The Crystal Mask
by Yamamato
Summary: Kidnapped days after the Kyuubi's attack by a greedy, heart-stealing bounty hunter, Naruto grows up on the move; but something happens during a small skirmish, something that will turn him into something... more.
1. Robbing the Cradle

**The Crystal Mask**

**Chapter One: Robbing the Cradle**

The forest echoed, alive with the fearful chatter of squirrels and birds. Even days after the Kyuubi's rampage it would take years for the forest's inhabitants to return to normal. Now they jumped at the slightest noise, like a nervous thief stumbling through a dark house, and screeched at every intruder.

So little wonder they howled like a man possessed, demanding the wraith floating between the trees leave immediately.

He ignored them, however much they tempted him to throw a couple kunai here and there. In little time he made his way to the walls, laying on the ground, shattered like a common shop window attacked by vandals, they did little to slow the wraith. He had a job to do, something as trivial as rubble wouldn't stop him.

He didn't expect to run into any patrols, half of Konoha's ninja force had died to slow the Kyuubi. Half of those that survived went out on missions to give the illusion that Konoha still stood strong, and the other half laid in the infirmary or had urgent 'cleaning missions' to do. Nevertheless, he went slowly, sticking to the shadows just in case.

It took him almost an hour to make it to the Hokage Tower, the tallest building in the village.

Scanning the tower's windows, he saw his client had lived up to his promise. The wraith saw only token forces guarding it, no more than a single guard per floor save the uppermost. Knowing the slightest suspicious noise would alert the ANBU guards, he entered using the open window on the second floor, as silent as a shadow.

0o0o0o0o0o

An old man sat in the tower's center, white haired, wizened and wearing the traditional Hokage robes. He sighed, mind wandering in thousands of different directions.

Hiruzen had thought that his 'retirement' would last until he died, but the Kyuubi had happened. Looking down on the dozing boy, laying deep in the safety of his crib, he couldn't stop the single, traitorous thought worming its way through his skull.

_'Because of you, Naruto will grow up without a mother or father.'_

Never mind he couldn't have known Madara came back. Never mind that, in one of the last acts of his office, he went on a diplomatic trip to Suna. Hiruzen failed because he didn't have the foresight, the intelligence, to call off the trip and return to Konoha the moment that familiar feeling in his gut sprang to life.

Hiruzen rubbed his temples slowly. "Cat, Mole." said operatives, stationed near the door and windows respectively, stood straighter. "I'm returning to my compound for the night. Stay here until the next shift relieves you."

They nodded as Hiruzen exited the door.

At his leisurely pace it took him some time to make it to his compound. He set his hand on the front gate of the Sarutobi Compound, trying to force his mind to let go of everything. Then a sudden feeling, almost as if he leaped off a cliff, gnawed at his gut furiously.

Eyes widened in horror, hand clenching on the gate so hard it bent, Hiruzen's mind processed it in an instant, his body following nearly as fast. It took him nearly half an hour to make it to the compound, he flew back to the Hokage Tower in less than a minute.

He hurtled through the top floor's window, landing directly in his office and breaking one of his desk's legs. Hiruzen crashed through the door, taking a right down the hallway and a left deeper into the tower's center.

Kicking a heavy, seal-laden door down, Hiruzen froze.

Cat and Mole had disappeared, splotches of blood the only evidence of their presence. He didn't pay any attention to the mess though, his eyes staring, unfocused, on something else.

Naruto's crib lay empty.

0o0o0o0o0o

Several shadows stood waiting in the forest. The Kyuubi's power had been felt from as far away as Kiri, so even though they had traveled miles from Konoha, forest animals still screeched at them.

An average height man with brown hair, lacking both an eye and an arm, shifted uneasily. Those animals made this deal very dangerous. The more noise they made, the easier a ninja could get the drop on them. He doubted his hired help would turn on him though, he worried more about an inconvenient meeting with a Konoha patrol. His mercenary had a one-hundred thousand bill payment for this job alone, along with a promise of more lucrative jobs in the future. Even the most idiotic of mercenaries wouldn't turn on him with those figures dancing around in their head.

_'Not to mention,'_ the man mused, _'this mercenary is anything but stupid.'_

He turned to the ninja next to him, this one, just as the other five, wore a "confiscated" ANBU uniform. "Do you see him?" he asked over the din.

The operative shook his head, "No, Lord Danzo." he replied stoically, "Maybe he was captured?"

"Do you-" A bark of laughter cut off Danzo's reply.

"You're an idiot if you think a couple of ANBU rookies could capture me!" the voice laughed, making everyone whirl around, "Lucky you, I'm in a good mood, otherwise you'd be dead."

Silence.

Danzo examined the tall, dark skinned man. He wore a white hood and a black mask on his face, his eyes the only visible part, an unusual coloring of green irises and red sclera. He wore over his body a long, black cloak. A headband, adorned with a plate with the Taki symbol with a scratch through it, rested on his forehead.

"Well?" the man barked, "Where's my money?"

"Where's the boy?" Danzo retorted.

"Are you blind, brat? What do you think this bundle of blankets is?" he growled, raising it higher.

"Blankets?" a ROOT operative said stoically, earning a glare from both the mercenary and Danzo.

"I thought you trained your best to keep quiet unless spoken too." the merc grumbled.

"I did." Danzo retorted, "He's not one of my best. Kurai, pay him so we can get out of here."

One operative pulled out a large scroll, "There better be a bonus in there or you're not getting the boy." the mercenary told Danzo.

"What do you mean?" Danzo demanded, stepping forward aggressively, "You're already getting a large sum."

"This boy holds a being of ultimate destruction, and you don't think I'm going to ask for more?" the mercenary queried rhetorically, "To the right village he'd be worth five times as much."

The one armed man scoffed, "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about. Where did you get that idea?"

"His guards weren't very tight-lipped when they thought they were alone." the mercenary said impatiently, "This boy... Naruto right? Holds the Kyuubi. I'm still willing to sell him to you, otherwise I wouldn't be here. Now I suggest you make another offer."

Danzo growled, readjusting his stance, "Four-hundred thousand paid to you over the next two years."

"That's two-hundred thousand less than what I wanted." the mercenary replied tightly.

"I'm still offering you pay for other jobs, I think that's more than fair."

"... Fine."

Danzo suppressed a sigh, even with the contingent hiding in the trees he doubted he'd survive a fight with him, "Now that that's settled, hand over the boy and Kurai will hand over the money."

"He gives me the money first." the merc growled stubbornly.

Danzo's eyes narrowed a fraction, but waved to Kurai to comply. The operative approached the merc quickly, making the switch in an instant, then retreated back to Danzo's side.

"Let me see him." Danzo ordered, "I want to get my first look at my new weapon." The operative complied, raising the blankets to expose the boy's face.

Danzo turned to look at the mercenary, "I like to know the names of those who work with me."

The man stood silent for a moment, before smiling under his mask, "You can call me, Kakuzu." Danzo nodded, turning back to look at the sleeping boy.

He saw only a pair of dull, glass eyes before a vortex of swirling flame engulfed him and his entourage, lighting a small section of the forest on fire.

Kakuzu made a few hand-seals and whispered something. A glob of water rose out of the nearby river, floated above the roaring inferno, then burst, dousing the burning trees and roasting bodies. Two large, shadowy bodies, both covered in blood, jumped down from the trees, sliding under Kakuzu's cloak and burrowing into his back.

Not waiting for anyone to show up, Kakuzu turned to the side and jumped to the treetops. Making quick headway and reaching his camp in minutes he left the canopy.

He chose an easily defended area; out in the middle of no-where, on top of a lofty hill, not a tree for miles save for the tall oak right next to his bedroll and a river nearby in case he needed to use any water jutsu. He'd easily kill anyone who decided to attack him, then he'd see if they had any money on their head.

Walking across the open field, jumping over the river, hiking up the hill, Kakuzu thrust his hand deep into the bedroll and pulled out a slumbering baby boy.

He had shocking blonde hair, three odd whisker marks on both his cheeks, and a small mouth furled in contentment. Kakuzu, having drugged the boy with a spiked formula, didn't worry about waking him up. Even so he handled him as he would a large sack of money, because the boy basically could end up as that.

_'I'll leave in the morning,' _Kakuzu reminded himself, _'heading for Iwa without stopping until I leave Fire Country. The Hokage will definitely want this back, so he'll no doubt send all the ninja he can spare after me. It'll be worth it, if I manage to pass him off as-'_

The boy shifted in his hands, yawning and opening his deep, blue eyes. Eying Kakazu, he made a few gurgling noises, shaking his arms up and down excitedly.

_'What the hell? You're supposed to be asleep!'_

The boy scrunched his face up, as if concentrating deeply.

"Oh, I remember now." Kakuzu muttered, "Jinchuuriki have highly advanced metabolisms, so they process food, drink and even poisons faster. They can easily turn that to their advantage, with the right training they can make themselves almost immune to every poison out there... I just wonder where all that formula went."

"Fffhhttt."

Kakuzu gagged, "Oh God, I can't breathe!"

0o0o0o0o0o

Kioku snuggled against her husband, "Mmmm, I think we might have another one on the way from all that exercise, Honey."

"Great, another mouth to feed." he joked, reaching for the nightstand.

Kioku punched him in the chest, pouting, "You're just lucky th- what's that smell?" she asked shrilly, covering her nose with the sheets.

"Oh God! It's like a skunk got ran over by a cart of cow manure!" her husband yelled, his hands leaping up to cover his nose.

"Where's it com-" Kioku cut off, staring at the shadow looming over their bed.

"YOU!" it yelled, "Fix this now!"

Kioku screamed, her husband throwing a lamp at the intruder.

"Watch it!" it yelled, ducking "I have precious cargo!"

The lights flipped on, a small head poking in through the door, "Mommy, I heard lo-"

Kakuzu glared at the boy, "Leave, now."

The door shut.

"Please don't hurt my boy, just take what you want and leave." Kioku begged.

"I don't want anything of yours and I don't want to hurt your boy," Kakazu yelled raising his empty arms, "I just want you t- where the hell did he go!"

A small body climbed onto the bed, bouncing up and down on his behind, "Garblagala vhrum vhrug."

Kakuzu pointed at Naruto, "There, he smells horrible, fix him now! I've ran fifty miles, hit my head on a million tree branches, fought off at least twenty packs of wolves attracted by his stench, and kicked an old lady who got in my way! I don't care what you do, just make him stop smelling!"

Kioku stared at him, then to Naruto, to Kakuzu, then back again, "What?"

0o0o0o0o0o

"Sooooo..." the secretary, a young man with a scar over the left side of his face, flipped through some papers, "You're saying that not only does this baby," he pointed at Naruto, who sat on the desk bouncing up and down on his behind, "hold the Kyuubi, but is the Fourth Hokage's son?"

Kakuzu grunted, "Yes, do you need to clean the wax from your ears or something? I said it five times now."

"Uh, huh..." the secretary nodded slowly, "but if he was the Fourth Hokage's son, he would look like him or something, right?"

"He's got blue eyes and blonde hair, dammit! What else do you need to see the resemblance, him throwing knives all over the place and teleporting?"

"The brat has weird looking tattoo things on his cheeks." the secretary dead-panned.

"I already explained this," Kakuzu almost yelled, "it's because he holds the Demon Fox, Kyuubi."

The secretary scoffed, "Everyone knows the Fourth killed it. Now please leave before I call the ANBU."

"You're a fucking idiot!" Kakuzu screamed, "Every child is told the old tales about how the Nine Tailed Beasts are beyond the powers of mortal men to kill! The Fourth might have been strong, but he couldn't have killed something so powerful."

"In the old tales Demon Kitsune also took the form of buxom women who seduced men with great power, but my Lord hasn't had a wife since his last one died. Those stories are only really believed by kids so young the only green things they eat come out of their noses, and fools so old they haven't felt a stiffy since the First Shinobi War."

"Then if you won't believe me," Kakuzu spat, picking Naruto up and walking to a large door, "I'll just take it up Tsuchikage himself. "

Before he even touched it he found his way blocked by a couple squads of ANBU.

"Sir, I'm going to ask you once; leave and you won't be executed." the one in the lead threatened.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes, "Make me."

It careened downhill from there.

0o0o0o0o0o

"This is all your fault!" Kakuzu ranted, swinging his arms and storming around his campsite. "Because of you, the Tsuchikage Tower got blown up, the old bat in charge died, and the entire village of Iwa is after my head!"

"And do you know why!" Kakuzu roared, hating the figure on the stump as much as any human could, "Because you couldn't look more like the Fourth Hokage."

Naruto bounced up and down on his behind, waving his arms around excitedly, "Glavagrum refluh vhrum!"

"Maybe if I had half a contingent of Leaf ANBU on my ass when I ran in they would have believed me then! But nooooo! They thought I was some old bat who kidnapped a baby... which I did, but still... dyed his hair a yellow so bright he reflects half the sun's rays, painted some whisker, tattoo things on his cheeks and tried to pass him off as the Fourth Hokage's son!" Kakuzu paused to breathe.

"All that work, and for nothing!" he roared, punching a tree and downing it in one hit, "I should have given you to that crippled brat, then I would have had something worth while!"

Kakuzu paused, shoulders heaving up and down, "FUCK!"

He took deep calming breathes, rubbing his temples to relieve his headache, "What am I supposed to do with you now, hmm?" Kakuzu walked over to the stump, picking the boy up and holding him at eye level.

"Maybe those wolves are still hungry? Perhaps some rich noble would like to buy you? Would you like that you walking shit machine?"

Kakuzu looked up, thumbing his chin and missing the look on Naruto's face, "Or maybe... maybe I could make him my underling? Raise him, train him, sell his services for a period of time and take most of the earnings? Hmm... I like that idea."

"From now on, you're my apprentice, brat. You better get used to it."

Thoughtful silence, Naruto's face relaxed.

"Fffhhttt."

"Oh God!"

**AN: Just a little thought I've had for a while. Please tell me what you think.**


	2. Things Happen

**Chapter Two: Things Happen**

**Part two of two; Prologue**

In a small town like Munhai, people knew each and every other person or pet by name and face. Traveling strangers stood out like an elephant in a bathroom. If they looked like a decent sort, they'd soon get swamped in friendly greetings. If they looked like the kind that could cause a lot of trouble pedestrians gave them a wide berth, nobody talking to them until talked to.

The man wearing black robes, face covered in a dark mask, seemed like the sort that would cause more than a lot of trouble. They kept their distance the streets nearly empty as he and a small boy, dressed in an identical, smaller robe, walked through the center of town.

Kakuzu ambled down the street, trying and failing to deal with his headache. His cause of distress? It usually busied itself by running circles around him, chattering so fast he couldn't understand a damn thing it said.

"Woudalkfhgaklsldkghajl!" the boy screeched, attracting looks from bystanders.

If he had faster ears, Kakuzu would have heard something else, "Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go-"

Right then and there, on a nearly deserted road in a town in the ass-end of nowhere that no-one knew about, Kakuzu almost broke down crying, _'Why couldn't he have been the silent type? Why? And I can't even get rid of him, after that episode with the pandas he won't let me out of his sight! But maybe...'_

"Naruto!" Kakuzu yelled abruptly, causing said boy to stop running around, almost leaving skid-marks on the ground, and look at him with wide, attentive, blue eyes.

_'Dammit! Now he's giving me the look and making me feel guilty! How does he do that?'_ unbidden, his thoughts strayed to more important matters,_ '…I still can't believe how much money we save getting most of our home-cooked meals like this, women can't resist feeding him when he breaks out 'the other look'.'_

Naruto started bouncing up and down in place, "What is it what is it what is it what is-"

Kakuzu cut him off loudly, "I decided that, considering how well you did with ambushing the last bounty, to let you buy anything from whatever store you want."

"Yes!" Naruto screamed, making Kakuzu's ears ring.

"But only if I say you can buy it!" he yelled at the boy's retreating back, checking his ears for blood.

A moment later Kakuzu sighed, staring up into the sky, "You'd think after five years I'd get used to the brat's constant screaming." he said out loud, "The more days that go by, the more I wish I gave him to the wolves."

Lowering his gaze, a bright, vibrantly colored sign caught his eye. Kakuzu read the characters, mouth widening underneath his mask and eyes lighting up.

Falling to his knees, Kakuzu wept joyfully. "There is a god and I believe!" he screamed to the sky, "There is a god and I believe!"

The handful of bystanders gave him an even wider berth.

0o0o0o0o0o

After entering the store and buying some new... supplies... Kakuzu left, dancing down the street in the direction Naruto went and singing a jaunty tune, practically giddy, "Oh! I won't have to get rid of that brat. Yeah! I won't have to get rid of that brat! If he just gets on my nerves I'll just-" and went on like that, horribly off-key and stumbling here and there.

It didn't take long for a black, blonde topped blur to ram into him, sending him to the ground in a huge cloud of dust and knocking the breath out of him.

"Old man I found the best thing ever-you have to follow me! Get up get up get up get up get-"

You'd think an S-ranked Ninja would have caught a boy careening towards them, but then again Kakuzu let Naruto get away with a number of things that would have surprised his greatest friends, if he had any. Plus, Rule of Funny applies.

Kakuzu closed his eyes for a moment, his hand darting into his pocket. Using such speed Naruto couldn't hope to see, he slipped whatever he had in his hand into his ears. Then he opened his eyes.

He saw Naruto's mouth flapping around so fast you could have cut a tree with it. Spittle flew at him, landing on his mask and robe, but he paid no attention to it. He could hear only one thing thanks to his seal enhanced ear plugs; something he haven't heard in years: silence, blessed silence.

All that sleep he missed in the last five years had started creeping up on him, so Kakuzu, laying on a nearly deserted road in a town in the ass-end of nowhere that no-one knew about, decided to start catching up.

Naruto jumped off him, "Get up, I have to show you! It's just around the corner!" he screamed. He grabbed Kakuzu's arm and, using all the strength his little, five year old body could muster, pulled on it.

Kakuzu didn't budge, other than his arm. Too busy in his own, silent world, he didn't have the time to deal with the brat.

Naruto screamed in frustration, slapping his mentor's face.

Kakuzu twitched.

The little blonde boy leaped back up, huffing angrily. "Get up, stupid!" he yelled.

Kakuzu laid on the ground, drifting away on the hard ground made of clouds. The sharp rock jabbing into his side might has well have been a pea for all the good it did staving off dreamland.

Reaching the end of his five year old temper, Naruto started jumping around Kakuzu's body, kicking him savagely with all his strength every time he landed; but still his mentor slept. On and on Naruto went, his kicks traveling further down Kakuzu's body. Behind his mask Kakuzu yawned, adjusting his body for comfort.

Eventually Naruto gave up, stomping and fuming angrily around the deserted street. "Fine!" he yelled at the slumbering bounty hunter, "You'll just have to see when you wake up!"

Naruto gave him one last kick. Fortunately, or unfortunately, it landed in a very soft, vulnerable area.

The screams sent the few people outside scurrying into their houses.

0o0o0o0o0o

Kakuzu winced as he limped down the street, exhausted from lack of sleep and tormented by a horrible pain that no man or boy should ever feel. Naruto, pulling him down the road by his arm, chattered excitedly about this and that.

The boy had abused his sensei's parts thoroughly with his foot, and Kakuzu couldn't do anything to punish him. Why one might ask? He only had been punished once, at the age of three. Suffice to say, what he had been punished for doing involved a huge family of racoons, a couple of kunai, a frying pan, a bunch of bananas, and an ostrich.

That said, the panda incident made all that look like a day at the beach. The Sotu beach to be exact, a favorite vacation spot for newlywed couples.

Kakuzu punished him appropriately. When he finished, Naruto turned to look at him with such a sad look in his eyes, tears leaking out, mouth quivering, and a bunch of pitiful whimpers that Kakuzu felt like the biggest bastard in the world. He didn't feel like he kicked a puppy, he felt like he kicked a whole litter of puppies, burned down an orphanage, tossed said litter of puppies into the flames, and roasted marshmallows while he listened to the combined screams of said puppies and orphans.

That coming from the guy who once killed a priest for a couple of bills.

Eventually the odd pair came to a vibrantly colored building. Two stories tall, it loomed over all other structures in the area. Above the double door entrance an old sign hung, proudly declaring; _'The best pet store in Munhai, Yumi's Circus!'_

Through his painful haze, Kakuzu cradled his wounded parts and wondered, _'Why the bloody hell does a town populated with less than a thousand people need a God-damn pet store?'_

"Look sensei! Look!" Naruto yelled, running up to the store-front window.

"What?"growled Kakuzu, wincing when it sent a painful jolt through his body.

"Just look!" the boy retorted, stomping his foot angrily.

Limping a couple steps forward, Kakuzu leaned closer to the window. Through it, he made out a... litter of puppies with blonde fur, playing around with each other and rough-housing.

Naruto pressed himself against the window with such force Kakuzu thought he'd go through it. Tapping on the glass, he called, "Come here boy, come here!"

As one, all the puppies turned to look at the odd noise's origin, one cocking it's head to the side.

"Come here boy!" Naruto called.

The one that cocked it's head to the side trotted up to the window, it's brown eye and blue eye latched onto Naruto.

"How you doing Nataki, how you doing?" Naruto cooed.

The puppy leaped up and started clawing at the glass, making Kakuzu raise an eyebrow.

"You've already named it?" he queried incredulously.

Naruto didn't hear him.

Kakuzu cleared his throat, "Naruto, we can't get him."

That time he heard him.

"What?" he demanded, a look of complete betrayal crossing his face, "Why?"

"Because we're always on the move. That dog will slow us down and we can't afford that."

"But-but!" tears welled up in Naruto's eyes.

"Um, excuse me." said a polite voice.

Kakuzu, thankful for the interruption, turned to the side and saw a long, brown-haired woman with rather plain features. She wore a V neck dress that teased the eye, at odds with her demeanor.

"I..." she took a deep breath, "I was wondering if you could escort me to the next town over. This region is infamous for bandits."

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow, taking in all her features without moving his eyes, _'A slight bulge in her left underarm...' _

"Why should I?" he demanded, crossing his arms, "I'm pressed for time as it is, I have business in this region."

"Well-um... because you look really strong... and I'm willing to pay." the woman proffered, wincing as his eyes bored straight into her's.

_'Another, smaller bulge on her right side.' _Kakuzu noted, _'Didn't think I'd notice that, did you?'_

"How much?" Kakuzu growled, annoyed.

"I-I don't have much on me, but there's a bank in the next town. I can withdraw some money there." she all but mumbled.

Kakuzu almost snorted, _'Please, amateur. If you're playing the shy civilian I've seen better, wear something else than that skank-blouse and you might be spot on.'_

"How much?" he repeated, harder this time.

"Um... about a thousand bills." she muttered.

"No." Kakuzu growled, turning to Naruto he declared, "We're leaving."

The woman swept past him, "Oh my god, he's so cute!" she cooed. Hunching down on her knees, looking Naruto straight in the eye, she asked him, "What's your name little guy?"

_'Giving up on the shy act and going for the weakest link in the chain in hopes of breaking it...'_ Kakuzu noted.

Naruto discreetly looked over to his mentor, Kakuzu nodded slightly.

Clearing his throat, he said clearly, "Naruto, ma'am."

"Awwwww!" she cooed, "Such nice manners you have! My name's Yuka." Leaning closer, she gave him a nice view of something that would have held his attention if he didn't still think girls had cooties. Instead he noticed she had pretty green eyes.

"Naruto, we're leaving." Kakuzu repeated impatiently.

Yuka whipped around, "But what about me?" she demanded, tears shining in her eyes, "The bandits will rip me apart!"

_'Subtle as a kick in the-' _Kakuzu started, wincing at the end when a certain area of his body flared in pain.

"Bandits?" Naruto demanded abruptly, "We can't let her get hurt sensei, we've got to help her!"

His sensei gave him a cool look, even after years of teaching Kakuzu hadn't managed to beat out that naïve innocence Naruto had shooting out of his ears like colorful rainbows. Maybe if he...

Kakuzu stood silent for a moment, weighing out what could happen.

"How much did you say you were going to pay?" he demanded suddenly.

"Um, one thousand." Yuka said.

"...fine."

Naruto whooped in joy, not noticing the odd smile on their new client's face.

"You guys should get a head start while the sun's still up." Kakuzu grumbled, turning and walking away, "A day wasted with idleness is a day gone forever."

"Wait, what do you mean 'you guys'?" Yuka ordered.

"Like I said before, I have business to take care of around here. Naruto you're taking this one solo."

"Bu-but what if something happens!" said boy asked shrilly, he hated going around on his own; especially after what happened with the pandas.

Kakuzu stopped, sighing and turning around, "I'm not going to be too far away, remember that lead I got a bit ago?"

Naruto nodded, his hair bouncing around like a mop.

"Besides," Kakuzu added, a smile forming under his mask, "you're a tough little brat. I'm sure you can handle any number of bandits."

Grinning, Naruto chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his head.

"And once we meet up again I'm going to teach you how to blow stuff up."

For many years Yumi's Circus would keep a single red parrot in their facilities. No one would ever buy it, for the moment it heard someone enter the store, it would scream at the top of its lungs, "Yes!"

The shop owner didn't care though, as long as it couldn't shatter every window within a five mile radius like the kid that taught it.

0o0o0o0o0o

"Say again, target has eluded you? Over."

"I just said that!" she whispered furiously into a small, black device, "He stuck me with his brat when I-"

Angry thumping on the bathroom door stopped her mid-sentence, "When are you getting out of there!? Sensei said women took a long time to use the bathroom but I never knew you'd take foreeever!" the voice whined.

Yuka growled, "I've been in here for two minutes!"

"Forever!" Naruto repeated shrilly.

"I'll be out in a minute just let me finish!"

"For-ever!"

**0o0o0o0o0o**

**Please review.**


	3. Explosions

**Chapter Three: Explosions are Only Pretty if They Don't Hurt You.**

**And before we start, I'd just like to say something. Due to the many different national currencies the world has and the metric/American system of measurements, all amounts of money and most distance traveled will be rendered in something ambiguous, such as bills or coins and clicks or leagues. Simply replace the ambiguous measurement with your system of measurement of choice, national currency or what have you.**

**I'll try to keep it a standard for all my stories.**

Walking down a deserted road, the odd pair took in the scenery. The clouds above seemed to move at a speed at odds with their gargantuan size, gentle birdsong floated to them along the light breeze. Occasionally they'd spot a pack of large gray wolves darting between the trees like shadows in the night.

The boy always tensed up a bit whenever he saw them.

All the while, ever the curious young soul, the tall woman's companion would continually ply her with naïve queries.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"Naruto?"

"Yes, Yuka?"

"This is going to be a very short trip if you don't stop asking me that."

"Oh, yeah, sorry... when will we get there?"

"No!" Yuka yelled before even registering his question, "Er, I mean, in a day. It's almost dusk so we're going to have to stop soon."

_'And then I'll finally be rid of you...'_ the thought crept into her mind, an odd smile forming on her face.

Naruto, trailing behind her, didn't see it.

"A whole day!" he screamed, his words reverberating throughout the woods like some small, obnoxious creature most people would want to throttle, or hug; one of the two, maybe even both.

The birdsong stopped suddenly, only to start up again a moment later. With the boy walking down the road for hours on end, they had grown accustomed to such noises very quickly.

"I have to wait a whole day before I learn how to blow things up?!"

"Shut up! You'll attract bandits!"

"I'll just cut them up before they have a chance to do anything." Naruto boasted loudly.

"Really?" Yuka asked, sounding genuinely surprised, "You must be really strong, where's your sword?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "I don't use a sword. The Old Man taught me a lot of jutsu, that's freaky shit ninja can do. I know a lot of them, but I'm really good with wind style."

"What does wind have anything to do with cutting things?" Yuka shot over her shoulder, "I mean, come on, wind? You can't cut things with wind!"

"Yeah you can! Just watch!" Naruto stopped, turning to face the side of the road. Closing his eyes for but a moment, his hands sped out of sight. Opening his blue eyes, he narrowed them at the tree towering before him.

Yuka watched intently.

The birdsong stopped.

Wind blew around the small boy's frame.

Silence...

Nothing happened.

"Well?"

Naruto turned towards her, a blush in his cheeks and a hand scratching the back of his head, "I... kinda forgot it's name."

0o0o0o0o0o

Sunlight filtered through the forest canopy, forming pillars of light that stabbed into the ground even as the sun fell to the horizon. Nothing seemed amiss. The forest beasts sensed nothing, felt not a thing wrong. They went about their business, hunting each other, grazing, drinking from lakes or streams; basically doing their best to see the end of the day.

One sign of a truly great ninja, not a run of the mill foot soldier, is how they manipulate the forests to throw off anyone following them. In the Konohan forests, all one needed to do was aggravate the wildlife so they started screeching like animals possessed, which would then spread far and wide to encompass a huge area of land. Doing so would help keep the more acute of hearing off your tail, but little else.

However, in the forests near Munhai, the beasts somehow could sense all but the stealthiest of ninja, something Kakuzu used to his advantage.

Slipping through the forest canopy, never did he make a whisper. On the few occasions he came within inches of a bird, or even a flock of them, they didn't spare a glance at him, or give any indication at all that they knew of his presence. They just kept on calling out to their brothers, grooming themselves, or what have you, like he didn't even exist.

Kakuzu knew he had someone after him. He had the feeling ever since he left Munhai, but they had enough know-how to stay out of his sights for now.

He hoped to fix that with the help of the local wildlife. He stopped, pausing on a branch in hopes of hearing something out of the ordinary. Kakuzu yawned, sleep tugging at his eyes.

All he had to do was close his eyes and focus.

Just close his eyes... and...

The forest around him erupted into chaos.

0o0o0o0o0o

Crickets chirped in the night.

"Sometimes he gets kinda angry, like he'd kill you without a second thought angry." Naruto remarked to a silent Yuka. Having reached the end of his five year old patience after a long, silent walk (less than one minute), he didn't care if she didn't answer back, he just wanted something to do other than trudge along.

"I don't like when that happens, cause' he says some really mean things to people." he continued, brushing some blonde hair out of his eyes, "Like one time he said that if I drew a mustache on his face again, he'd feed the wolves with me, but I didn't want to feed them! Cause' they think they're dogs when they're not, and howl at the moon so you can't sleep, and eat bunnies, and chase their tails cause' they think they're dogs, and do a lot of other stuff that I don't like, like sniffing butts because they think they're dogs when they're not."

Yuka rubbed her temples.

"You know what I'd do if a wolf tried to sniff my butt!" Naruto declared loudly, "I'd give that dog copycat a huge whack on nose," he mimed the motion for emphasis, "and yell at him, 'Stupid mutt, stop trying to be something you're not'!"

"I think it'd bite your arm off if you did that." Yuka called back without turning. _'Now, where are those wolves?'_

Naruto blew a raspberry at her, "Nuh-uh! Cause' they think they're dogs, so they're not gonna bite anyone!"

Yuka sighed, thumbing the little black device in her pocket, _'Please give me the okay, please give me the okay, please give me the okay...'_

When it didn't respond to her touch she looked over her shoulder to explain to the little brat that dogs and wolves were distinctly different. Of course she saw her 'escort', but something else caught her attention.

The black device in her pocket vibrated for a moment.

"Hey, Naruto." Yuka called to him happily.

"What?" he said cluelessly, not noticing her sudden change in mood.

"I think we should set up camp, it's getting pretty dark out."

Naruto mumbled something very unflattering under his breath, but complied nonetheless. Catching up to Yuka, he went to the side of the road, pulled out a scroll, and pressed his tiny hand against it.

Poof.

The smoke cleared. In its place, various camping materials including a two collapsed tents with poles, fire wood and food.

Naruto looked at her expectantly.

"Well?" Yuka barked, "Get to work, I don't have all day!"

"Sensei's the one that always puts up camp! I don't know how to!" Naruto whined.

Yuka's hands clenched, "Fine!" she growled, "You get the fire ready for dinner, and I'll put the tents up."

"I don't know how to make a fire." Naruto mumbled lowly, looking at the ground.

"You know what!?" the woman screeched angrily, "I'll make the fire and we'll just worry about the tents later!"

Getting to work quickly, Yuka made a small tent of wood, lighting it with some flint and steel the annoying brat silently handed to her. Soon they had a roaring fire going, the small inferno throwing grim shadows around the soon to be campsite.

"You thirsty?" she queried Naruto abruptly.

"A bit." he answered faintly, avoiding looking at her.

Yuka reached over to her side, her hand snatching a green canteen from the ground, hovering above it for a fraction of a second longer than needed for such a simple action. Turning back to Naruto, she handed it to him slowly, an unreadable expression on her face.

He grabbed it silently, screwing the cap off and taking a long drought. Naruto leaned against a tree quietly for a while, the canteen laying on the ground, forgotten, as he looked down in thought.

His body had an odd tingling shooting around like-like an electric current flowing through so much wires for a while. After about an eternity (five minutes) of silence, Naruto opened his mouth to say something, anything, that would make Yuka calm down, then he discovered he couldn't move. Not a single muscle.

Naruto felt a hand grip the back of his head, yanking his hair so he'd look straight up. His head swam, making him see colors and shapes he never thought existed. Even from so close a distance he couldn't see the hand's owner, his vision blurred and distorted so he only saw a dark fuzz.

Unable to blink, he could only shift his eyes in a doomed attempt to regain his eyesight.

"Would you look at that? You're still alive! Man am I surprised, that poison should have killed you." a dark chuckle, "And it looks like you can't move! I'm starting to like this, I really am."

It took a moment for Naruto to place the voice, but when he did, a surge of fear shot through him, '_Yuka?'_

"Do you know how much I've been looking to kill you, you annoying little shit?" she laughed, "Poisoning you would have been enough, but now I can do whatever I want to you."

Naruto couldn't respond, no matter what he tried to do nothing came out of his mouth other than a soft gurgle.

Another laugh, "You know, I was actually worried enough to use poison on you, considering you're 'apparently' a wind using brat that runs around with the man that killed our lord. Someone who was strong enough to do that, and escape the village afterwords, is worth the sixteen man kill team sent after him. But you- I can't believe they had me, a eight year veteran hunter-nin, stick around and deal with you."

Naruto's vision cleared a bit as a hand roughly grabbed his chin. "I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that old bastard will come charging in like the god-damn cavalry and save your ass. Stop thinking that. Iwa sent their best to make sure the Tsuchikage's death doesn't go unpunished. One of the team took on Kisame Hoshigaki one on one and almost killed him. Another one's favorite past times is infiltrating enemy lands and assassinating high value targets quickly, quietly, and solo. We had to do a lot of convincing to get him to work with on a team. And the Commander- he's another thing entirely, got a stare that'll keep you frozen in your tracks until he decides to kill you. Your 'old man' is dead."

Naruto glared defiantly in the direction he thought the voice came from.

He heard Yuka laugh, "You got spirit, I'll give you that."

A savage blow caught him in the side of his head completely unaware, knocking him to the ground. His ears rang a brutal pulse, his tongue tasting something coppery within his mouth.

"I'd love to crush it out of you, and that's exactly what I'm going to do." she casually commented.

His vision cleared more, tears staining the corners of his eyes, enough so that he could see the rough outlines of grass he had pushed against his face.

Yuka grabbed the back of his robe, hauling him back into a sitting position. Naruto heard her hunch down, and saw the vague outline of a person squatting in front of him.

"Aww!" she cooed, "Is baby going to cry?" another laugh.

Finally, mercifully, his vision cleared enough so he could see his tormenter. He saw the manic glee in her green eyes, and the homicidal grin distorting her face, yet he couldn't comprehend them. Naruto had all his attention focused on one small, metallic object getting waved in front of his face.

Yuka poked Naruto's nose with the tip of her kunai, drawing a small trickle of blood, "They teach you a lot of stuff in academy classes," she said happily, drinking in Naruto's horror, "but to become a real ninja you have to join the ANBU. The things you learn are all so amazing, but you sometimes have to settle for the beautiful simplicity that are the fatal points. You know about them, right?"

Naruto's robe grew slick with sweat, the boy closing his eyes shut, trying to wish it all away.

Yuka smiled, "But just to be safe," she continued, "I'm going to teach you all of my favorites."

She pointed to both sides of Naruto's chest, "The lungs."

The boy's breath quickened.

Yuka pointed slightly to the left of the center of his chest, "The heart."

Naruto heard and felt the organ thump in response, speeding up more and more until it sounded out a constant thrum.

The blade then went to Naruto's throat, lightly touching the skin, "And finally, the jugular vein." a thoughtful look crossed her face, "My personal favorite method of cutting it is simple, I come in from the side of your neck," she poked him in the mentioned area with her kunai, "stab in as far as I can, and rip it out the front in a fantastic spray of blood."

She smiled happily, "A couple minutes later you'll die from drowning."

Naruto felt a frigid hand grip his heart. More tears, these ones of terror rather than pain, sprang up in his eyes. He whimpered fearfully, trying to move, to get away from this insane woman.

He couldn't even twitch a finger.

"Don't worry little guy!" Yuka cooed, "After I have my fun with you, you'll wish for death."

Her hand gripped Naruto's throat, lifting him up and slamming his back against the tree, the grin on her face growing wider.

A shadow materialized behind her.

She dropped Naruto and the kunai, her grasp limp. Slowly, she rose off the ground, hovering. Black tendrils came out of her mouth, writhing and squirming as blood spilled freely from her crevice.

"The next time you try to torture my apprentice," the shadow boomed, resonating and furious, "you better make damn sure I'm dead."

Gasping for breath and limp, she couldn't do anything to fight back. The enraged specter spun around and threw her with such force, she crashed through a countless number of trees before coming to a stop more than four-hundred feet away. The final one collapsed on top of her mangled body, thundering a final sound in the dead silent forest.

Kakuzu watched it all silently, then turned towards Naruto, "We need to get out of her right now, we're bound to have attracted some attention with all the ruckus we've made."

Naruto could only groan in response, incapable of moving his jaw to form words.

Kakuzu cursed, "Poison! Well, it'll work itself out of your system soon enough, we still got a lot of ground to cover." he bent down, grabbing Naruto's arm and heaving the boy across his shoulder.

They jumped through the trees in silence, a shadow watching their progress.

0o0o0o0o0o

The pair didn't wake up the next morning. Kakuzu stood guard all night while Naruto tossed and turned, trying in vain to drift to rest.

The few times he managed to snatch a few moments of rest- glimpsing a pair of manic, green eyes, a cheshire grin and a gleaming blade- he jolted awake to a streaking heart.

He gave up just as the sun started peeking through the trees, painting the clearing a brighter hue of it's night colors. A few pre-dawn birds chirped as Naruto crawled out of his tent, groaning as stretched his tired muscles, an after affect of the poison that coursed through him last night.

His morning routine went on as usual, though with a lot of yawning here and there. Naruto ate his morning rations, relieved himself behind a tree- Kakuzu staying up wind of him-, took down his tent, and warmed himself in front of a fire.

Just as the boy added another log, his sensei came over and grumbled, "Time to get going, we need to relocate."

Naruto nodded glumly, pocketing the storage scroll he'd been fiddling with. The pair left a moment later, not sparing any time putting out the fire. They never did, it usually helped throw off any ninja hunting them by making them think one of two things: if it was just dieing away that they'd just missed the pair, or, if burning strong, that they'd be back soon enough.

It wouldn't help them today.

They traveled in silence, something so strange gravity could have ceased working at the same moment. Jumping through the trees, landing on branches without a whisper of sound or displacement of air, they traveled at a pace only a lifetime of growing up on the move could attain. Even so, Kakuzu's mind ran at a mental pace that trumped his physical one.

He didn't like how Naruto acted so quiet. Sure he wished it a few times, but he only got it on the occasions when the boy had something completely horrifying happen, that a lesser child would have been traumatized for life.

Like with what happened with the pandas.

It didn't take a genius to know what the boy went through the previous night had left quiet the impression on him, even more-so than the Panda Incident. When that had happened he went back to normal within two hours, just as loud-mouthed and annoying. He knew that a simple talk with the boy about that night would help him. However, Kakuzu wasn't the type of person that talked to people about their emotions.

Having a long, awkward conversation with a five year old about how he felt about being physiologically tortured and nearly physically tortured by a woman who, in his naïve innocence, he trusted didn't have a high place on his to do list.

At times like this, Kakuzu wondered what his father would say. His advice had helped him make the man he was that day.

A gruff, angry voice resounded through his head, _'Son, when you've got a crying child on your hands you got to do something that'll make them forget why they were crying in the first place, and that's why I break your fingers when you tear up.'_

Then he remembered what kind of advice his father gave. You know, for some reason Kakuzu didn't think breaking his fingers would make Naruto feel any better. In fact, he had a much better idea.

Kakuzu dropped down into a nearby clearing, feeling that they'd traveled far enough for the moment. Naruto followed shortly after. Not making a whisper on impact with the ground, he gave him a questioning look, the effect dampened by the tired rings around his eyes.

Kakuzu stood silently for a moment, then turned around with a ghost of a smile behind his mask, "I'm sure I remember saying something about teaching you how to blow things up once we met again."

Worked like a charm.

0o0o0o0o0o

After a few hours of thoroughly abusing the landscape, disintegrating trees and scaring birds shit-less, the pair moved on again.

It went by rather uneventfully, they ambled on along one side of the deserted road because Kakuzu felt that, if someone was following them, they'd be checking the woods rather than the road. They even had henges. Kakuzu took the appearance of an old man who had silver hair, wired spectacles, slightly hunched back and wearing a brown robe. Naruto, meanwhile, looked like a brown eyed, black haired little boy wearing blue shorts and an average, white shirt.

Naruto kept babbling on and on about how awesome it was blowing up trees, rocks and annoying birds, Kakuzu almost put in his ear plugs- almost- and a group of twenty or so bandits wielding swords and clubs were hanging around the bridge up ahead.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

The one who looked like the leader, much taller and much more muscular, of the gang absently threw the cigarette he'd been smoking on the ground. Picking up his sword, his goons formed a semi-circle with him in the center, flanking the pair on both sides.

Kakuzu kept his eyes on the leader.

"Alright pal," the leader bellowed, the ground seeming to shake with every word, "it's your money or your life!"

A shadow watched from the trees.

Kakuzu knew what they would demand, but it still made him bristle in rage, "You're not getting a damn coin of my money!"

The leader laughed, him and his goons seemingly unaffected by the subtle signals their brains sent their legs.

_'Run and find a fucking cliff! Then jump, jump for your life!'_

Still booming laughter, the leader motioned to his men. The two closest to Kakuzu moved in closer, stopping halfway and falling over.

Understandable, since a couple of kunai magically appeared in their eye sockets.

"Get him!" the huge boss roared.

What followed was one of the shortest fights Naruto ever witnessed in his short life. The eighteen remaining bandits jumped at the Old Man at the same time. At a subtle sign from Kakuzu, Naruto leaped far back so he'd stay out of it.

One of them fell from a quick slash to the throat, four others got punched in the face from an earth reinforced fist, crumpling to the ground, two were swept away after getting thrown into the giggling river running under the bridge, seven lost their heads- literally- and three ran, tossing their weapons aside and hoping desperately to find a cliff.

Only the leader remained.

"You're going to die!" he roared, swinging his chipped sword haphazardly.

Kakuzu step-sided the guillotine casually, the tip coming withing centimeters of his neck. One could imagine him holding a book with an orange cover, giggling, half his face covered in a black mask. He swung a savage uppercut, his fist landing in the armpit of the thug's extended arm.

He howled in agony, his sword dropping limply from his grasp, his arm falling to his side.

As the bandit reeled back, clutching his broken arm. Kakuzu, meanwhile, weaved around behind him. Grasping the leader's other, unbroken arm at the shoulder with one hand, he wrenched it from it's socket.

Popping tendons, snapping ligaments- an animalistic roar escaped the bandit's mouth as gruesome agony coursed through his entire body.

Kakuzu shoved him forward, making the larger man stumble down to one knee as his crippled arms flopped loosely at his sides.

"This has been an interesting diversion," Kakuzu droned lazily, flickering his eye from the kneeling bandit to Naruto, "but I think I'm done here."

Pitiful sobs came from the bandit's broken body, silenced abruptly when Kakuzu deftly kicked him in the back of the neck. The bandit fell forward silently.

Ninjas constantly had to better themselves to survive in their line of business, doubly so for missing nin. Powerful ninjas spent much time training, honing their mind and body into deadly weapons. However, an even greater weapon, one more vital than either ninjutsu or kenjutsu, was instinct.

They drilled reflexes into their body so that when they felt something off they can react instantly, but nothing is ever perfect. Most skilled ninja could only react to what threatened themselves, which could lead to the oft used tactic of going for the weaker links before dealing with the greatest threats.

So when a deadly, metallic shaft stealthily sailed through the air, Naruto had little time to react while the older, more experienced Kakuzu managed to get to safety, barely.

A huge fireball engulfed where Naruto had stood, pelting the old ninja with dirt, pebbles and dying parts of his robe with a familiar, red stain.

Smoke clouded the air. Thick and black, the oppressive blanket nearly smothered Kakuzu before he used a wind jutsu to clear the air.

The only things he saw that hinted at Naruto's fate before something else caught his attention, was a large, scorched crater and a mangled finger that undoubtedly belonged to a young child.

"That's a damn shame."

Kakuzu turned to face him.

"Do you know how much those high-powered explosive tags cost?" the shadow asked mockingly, "I used my last one and you're still standing? You have no idea how angry I am."

Kakuzu growled deeply. A haze creeped at the sides of his vision, but he kept his vision focused solely on the Hunter-Nin in leaning against the tree.

The Commander cocked his head to the side, "Not much of a talker, huh?"

Kakuzu took a hasty step forward, then paused, smiling viciously underneath his mask, "Not much of a commander without troops to command, are ya?"

The Iwa-nin chuckled lightly, "They knew the dangers when signing up, their lives were a necessary sacrifice."

Kakuzu took a moment to laugh loudly, "They died for nothing! I took out you and your entire team and didn't suffer a scratch, but you think you can do alone what fifteen 'elites' couldn't do together! It takes a special kind of idiot to do what you're doing."

They stared off at each other silently for a moment, then, "I managed to kill your little apprentice, now, didn't I?"

Kakuzu roared, the haze taking over his vision entirely, "And you're going to follow him!"

They both blurred out of existence.

0o0o0o0o0o

Something far away dripped, and dripped, and dripped methodically, like in that one house he stayed that had the leaking faucet. It didn't stop, it thrummed again and again until it finally forced Naruto out of the warm, peaceful sleep he was in.

He opened his eyes blearily, trying to take in his surroundings, yet he couldn't see anything. A never ending darkness permeated every fiber of his being, it enshrouded him, it consumed him, but he felt safe.

Naruto craned his neck in vain, the dripping continuing its endless drumming, as he desperately searched for some source of light. Finding nothing and left without anything else to do he raised his hand in front of his face and waved it around. He felt it moving, but in this eternal abyss he couldn't see a whisper of movement.

Boredom already gnawed at the boy's mind. Sighing angrily, he just about laid back down when he caught a dark, reddish glow. Focusing on it, he saw it seemed to come from the end of a long tunnel. Considering who he was (Naruto) and the position he was in (didn't have anything to do), it didn't take him long to decide to investigate this strange light.

As he walked he finally noticed that an ankle deep layer of water lapped at his feet, yet he didn't feel any cold nor any wetness when he picked his feet out of it- almost like it didn't exist. The eerie glow grew brighter the further Naruto walked, until he could make out carvings in some odd language lining the walls. After an eternity of walking (five minutes) he entered a large, cavernous room.

The light seemed to have came from here, yet when Naruto scanned it he couldn't find anyway it could have been made. No lights lined the ceiling, no bonfire stood like a burning tower in the room's center, the eerie light just seemed to... exist.

A rumbling on the other side of the room caught his attention. For the first time Naruto saw the enormous iron bars standing against the shadows beyond, where the room's light couldn't seem to penetrate.

Ignited by his insatiable and youthful curiosity, Naruto bolted across the room. In a moment he crossed the impossible distance but his didn't notice, too intent on the gargantuan vertical bars.

They had a width thicker than some of the great Konohan trees Kakuzu sometimes spoke of, yet they might as well have been made out of paper considering a god-damn elephant wouldn't have a lick of trouble squeezing through. Naruto stepped ever closer to the bars, straining his eyes, hoping to peek into the yawning darkness beyond.

He didn't know how, but suddenly, bigger than a house, a single slitted, yellow eye appeared before him. Naruto saw his shocked reflection staring back at him in the split second he had standing up before he toppled over backwards, numb.

The water splashed noiselessly, as silent as a feather.

A loud booming reverberated through his head, making Naruto clasp his hands over his ears.

Mercifully it died out quickly, only to be replaced with a deep, resounding growl, "Ahh, finally I meet my keeper." another laugh.

Then blissful silence, long enough for Naruto to form a coherent response, "Who-what are you?"

The eye laughed again, shaking up in down in mirth, "Ahhh! Idiocy, the sin your kind seems to hold in the highest regard."

Naruto scrunched his eyes in confusion, "Does that mean you're stupid?" he asked bluntly.

The thunderous booming returned, blasting the gong within his tiny head with a fervor seen only in the greatest of fanatics, only to cut off suddenly.

"My point is proven," the eye said dangerously, "but for your sake, don't call me that again."

Naruto nodded his head in agreement frantically.

"However," it continued, "To answer your first question, I am something beyond the comprehension of your tiny, mortal mind."

"Do you have a name?" the boy asked testily.

"My true name is something your limited body can't begin to communicate," it thundered, "however, your kind has insisted on bestowing me a title beneath me."

"Which is?"

The eye watched him silently for a moment, then thundered loudly, the chamber walls shaking violently, "I am the Kyuubi no Kitsune, human boy. If I wanted you to end, nothing would stop me!"

**And before anyone asks the inevitable question: No, Naruto isn't dead and he won't be resurrected as some sort of super-powerful angel-demon-shinshigami thing. Nothing against that plot line, it's just that I couldn't live with myself for utilizing such a widely used storyline.**

**Omakes! For shits and giggles!**

**One:**

"Alright pal," the lead thug growled, twirling his blade, "it's your money or your life!"

Kakuzu's eyebrows came together, scowling.

"I says," the leader slowly grumbled, the others around him taking a few steps forward, "your money or your life!"

"I'm thinking it over!"

**Two: **

The bandit swung his chipped sword haphazardly.

Kakuzu ducked and broke his arm with an uppercut, making him drop his blade.

"A good fight my adversary," he complimented, "but it seems I won this battle."

"No you didn't!" countered the bandit.

"What do you mean?" he demanded, his voice rising higher at the end, "You're bloody arm is broken!"

"No it isn't!"

"Then what's that then?"

"What?"

"That right there, it's flopping around like a wet noodle!"

"I've had worse!" the bandit said casually, picking up the fallen sword with his other hand and swinging it again.

Kakuzu dodged and broke his other arm.

"Right then, I win." he declared, kneeling down on one knee.

"Blessed father, I thank you for the vic-" a foot caught him in the side of the face, "Ow!"

"I'm not done yet, you bloody rascal!" the bandit taunted, "Now, have at thee!"

"Both you're arms are broken!" Kakuzu protested.

"No they're not!"

"I won!"

"No you didn't, I'm invincible!"

"You're a looney!"

"Chicken! You're a bloody chicken! Bwack bwack bwack!"

**The moral of this story? Monty Python wins.**

**Push the little button below, every time you review somewhere a little boy laughs, and every time you don't a kitten blows up. **

**Or for you dog lovers, Naruto's prospective companion, Nataki.**


	4. What a Nice Arm You Have

**Chapter Four: What a Nice Arm You Have**

Naruto squinted his eyes at the floating eye in front of him, "The Kyibu know Catsuni? What kind of name is that?"

The Kyuubi closed its eye, biting back a growl of frustration. _'Why do I always get trapped within humans stupid enough to be called idiots by their own kind?'_ it wondered, _'First the ramen obsessed woman so ditzy she only got a mate out of pity, then the red headed, moronic seal savant with a fiery temper and a complete lack of sense, and now this boy... I hope his elder can fix it before it sets in, the only semi-intelligent conversation I've had for years happened after that spiral eyed mortal ripped me from my last host.'_

Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, dri-

"Are you ignoring me!?" the robed whelp shouted, jumping up and stomping his foot in the water, "It's rude to ignore people!"

_'At the very least give me one that only screams when I want it to.'_ the demonic creature thought, before whispering aloud with only a hint of menace, "Isn't it also rude to disrespect your elders?"

Of course, considering its size, its whisper was still loud enough to make Naruto's ears ring. Add that to the fact a 'hint of menace' to the Kyuubi meant heart attack and brain stroke inducing material to mortals, like the whelp standing just outside of jaw's reach, had him shut up quite quickly and break into a cold sweat before falling over once again.

"S-sorry Mr. Kyibu." Naruto stuttered, looking down with widened eyes.

_'Holy crap, this guy is scarier than Old Man when he gets angry!'_

If he had been a lesser creature the Kyuubi would have smirked, _'Hmmp, at least if this boy's an idiot he'll treat me with some of the respect I deserve, unlike my last host.' _

"You will address me as the Kyuubi," the giant, slitted eye declared, blinking, "Lord Kyuubi, or simply Lord." it added, making the boy nod a dozen times, "Now that we have introductions out of the way, aren't you curious about where we are?"

The boy squinted his eyes at the difficult question, looking around for a few moments before uttering, "A sewer?"

"Close," the Kyuubi thundered, "but wrong, try again."

Naruto stared closely at the water lapping around his tiny waist. Standing up he noticed once again that his clothes stayed dry despite laying submerged for several minutes.

Looking back up at the eye beyond the bars, the boy said, "A _weird_ sewer."

Drip, drip, drip, dr-

"Once again, wrong." the Kyuubi grunted, giant yellow eye blinking, "We're actually inside your mind."

Naruto looked around for a moment, dumbfounded, before asking in his innocent voice, "Why is my mind so dirty?"

"Because," the Kyuubi slowly said, "this is where I am kept, in a seal placed on you moments after your birth to lock me away. Have you ever seen that seal on your stomach?" he asked, getting a nod out of the boy, "Technically, that is actually where we are right now. Occasionally this place and your mind interact, most often by sending denizens created by your mind to explore this place."

For example, a few weeks ago a white and gray cat walked into the Kyuubi's cage and was promptly eaten. I mean, why not? Coincidentally, that day Naruto also started hating cats.

Naruto looked down at the water for a moment, having tuned out most of what the eye said, "...I thought you said we were in my mind?"

The eye, completely surprised, blinked at the semi-intelligent question, before thundering, "We are, this is the mental representation of the seal-not physical representation-, thus, we are in your mind."

Naruto blinked back, because what he got out of that was 'because we're in your mind, but _not_'. He thought for a moment, then said cheerfully, "Okay!" before sitting back down in the water.

A few moments of silence passed before Lord Kyuubi queried, blinking, "...Aren't you even going to ask how you got here? Because it's quite the interesting story, after all, you almost died."

"What?!"Naruto screamed, shooting back up with wide eyes, "I died?! No, no, nonononono! I can't die, Old Man is gonna get pissed because I won't be around to cook for him, then he'll kill me!" the child squeaked, falling over and proceeding to ball his eyes out, "I don't want him to kill me! I still remember what he did to me because of what I did with that huge family of racoons, a couple of kunai, a frying pan, a bunch of bananas, and an ostrich!"

Naruto sniffled wetly, whining, "And I still didn't do that awesome prank I've been working on for forever! It would have be-"

The Kyuubi, at first half amused by the boy's crying, rolled its eye and released a hint of malice.

The whelp silenced immediately, seizing up and breaking into a cold sweat.

"I said," Lord Kyuubi whispered, "that you _almost_ died, human boy." it didn't say anything for a moment, then continued normally, "From what I understand, you were gravely injured by a unique, high-powered explosive tag. You lost a lot of blood." it finished, waiting semi-patiently for its jailer to recover.

Naruto finally answered, "Then how come I didn't die?"

The eye watched him for a moment, "Originally I was going to flood your system with my chakra in order to deal with your wounds, but I only managed to deal with some of the injuries to your organs. My aid is no longer necessary, a creature that has existed since the dawn of time, much like myself, saw you fit to be its new host. It made a physical bond to you where your wounds bled, healing them in its own, distinct way. It will now be with you wherever you go."

Naruto scrunched his eyes in thought, fingering his chin and looking up at the eye, staring into his reflection, "You mean this other thing is a giant floating eye just like you?" he asked, imagining himself with a giant eye blinking out of his back.

The Kyuubi thundered a short laugh, "Hardly, whelp. The Parasite is nothing like me," it added, growling, "which you'll find out soon enough."

"So, it's _not_ a giant floating eye like you?" Naruto asked again, scratching the back of his head.

Drip, drip, drip, drip-drip, dri-

"Whelp," Lord Kyuubi started slowly, "I am _not_ a giant floating eye, what do you think... Ah, yes, now I remember, you humans have horrible eyesight. You probably can't see me through this gloom, can you?"

"Oi!" shouted Naruto indignantly, "I can see you just fine, you're a giant-"

A flash of red emanated from between the bars, blinding Naruto and making him reflexively cover his eyes. Accompanied by a what felt like a warm shock-wave of hatred and rage, he saw a huge, red-orange shape around his arm illuminated by the red haze pulled through the bars. Naruto's arm fell limply, mouth agape in awe as he stared at the gargantuan monster in front of him.

Huge, jagged fangs peeked out of a pair of jaws large enough to swallow an elephant whole. Giant ears stood atop it's head, reaching up for what seemed like stories. Nine tails attached to it's back swayed around like the heads of cobras. Looming over the boy for what seemed like miles, it slowly stepped forward, lowering it's head to the ground and stopping when only the bars separated Naruto from it's jaws.

The boy sat, shock still, for a long time, then numbly stood up on shaky legs. A sinister grin slowly formed on the Kyuubi's face as his jailer slowly walked closer to the bars, a dazed look in his eye.

_'Just a little closer. Just a little closer, and then his mind and body is as good as mine.'_ silently laughed the Kyuubi,_ 'Of course then I'll need to take care of the Void Parasite, show it who will control the body before it gets any ideas... just one more step...'_

"You're a giant puppy!" Naruto screeched, jumping over to the Kyuubi and latching onto its snout.

"..." the Kyuubi intelligently retorted, blinking.

"Ooooh! I always wanted a puppy," gushed the boy, tears of joy leaking out of his eyes, "Old Man kept being a jerk and saying no, but now that I have you I'll always have a puppy! I'll take care of you, and feed you, and brush you, and hug you, and clean up all your messes, and do anything else I can to keep you for forever!" he cried, teary eyes gleaming in unbridled joy, "This is the best near-death experience ever!"

_'… Why do I get all the idiots?' _Lord Kyuubi wondered again, _'...Wait! He stepped through the bars! Now all I have to do is- I can't move? Why can't I move?!'_

It thought for a moment, before whispering out loud, "Whelp, I am not some mutt to be hugged and cuddled. In my life I have killed billions for fun, destroyed villages for merely being in my way, challenged the gods and won in-numerable times..." the Kyuubi narrowed its glowing eyes, on the oblivious boy, thundering, "I will not suffer this indignity!"

Naruto shook his head sadly, whipping away tears, "Aww, you're just sad that I haven't given you a name! What should I call you..."

"I will not be christened any name you see fit to give me, whelp!" shouted the Kyuubi, making the chamber yawn and tremble, still trying in vain to pull his head back , "I am the Kyuubi, Destroyer of Civilizations, Leveler of Mountains, Killer of Gods! I will not demean myself by allowing you to name me, monkey child!"

Naruto just ignored him, before brightening with a smile that would have a city of women crying over its cuteness, "I know! I'll name you after my fa-aa-vorite word." he stepped back, suddenly looking very serious, "I'll call you Underwear the Puppy."

Drip, drip, dr-

"I'm not about to let you name me after one of your monkey undergarments!" Lord Kyuubi, Leveler of Mountains, vehemently vehemently as he sanpped its head away, releasing a hint of malice to regain control of the conversation.

Naruto sniffled, looking down sadly and seemingly unaffected, "You don't like your name?" he cried, tears dripping from his eyes, "I spent so long thinking about it!"

The Kyuubi glared at him dangerously, wondering if it could snatch the boy up in its jaws before somehow freezing again.

Said boy's head shot up with a look of unbridled joy etched on, "I know, I'll name you Little Poop!"

Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, BOOM!

"Get! OUT!"

Flash of red, shock-wave of rage, a sudden piercing headache, then darkness.

0o0o0o0o0o

At first he only felt soft warmth. Then he felt and heard the rustle of blankets as he adjusted himself for comfort, soft linen rubbing against his skin. Oddly enough though, he didn't feel anything from his right arm or leg.

The Old Man had trained Naruto for such situations; give no indication that you awoke, spread your awareness out and try to sense if you were alone, try to discover if you were in a friendly, neutral, or hostile area, and react accordingly. He had already moved, but that could easily be dismissed as tossing and turning while asleep if he didn't do much more.

Naruto focused just like the Old Man taught him, keeping his eyes closed and 'feeling' the room for any other presence. Sensing nothing, he slitted his eyes open just a little, finding himself staring at a wall of white, peeling paint. Still feeling nothing, he sat up in bed, the blanket falling from his body, and looked around.

All the walls, ceiling, carpet, blankets and sheets were white. A stained oak dresser leaned against the right wall, a few books laying on the top. Naruto lay in a medium sized bed, a door directly in front of him.

_'Nee,'_ Naruto thought, scratching his forehead with his right, dark purple hand, _'this place looks like one of Old Man's safehou-'_

Naruto paused, blinking and bringing his tiny hand in front of his face, "...Why is my hand purple?" he asked aloud, squinting his eyes while they slowly traveled further down to his arm, elbow, and eventually his chest.

He silently stared at his chest for a few minutes, "Is that-," he asked finally, eyes widening as he touched the purple part of his chest- it freezing to the touch, "is that what I think it is?"

Suspended inside his translucent chest just below the surface lay a long, rounded shape that looked suspiciously familiar from a few anatomy lessons the Old Man gave him. Incomplete, the bottom third portion of it seemed to have been torn away by something. Naruto breathed in a deeply, watching his chest rise and the shape expand, then exhaled to watch it contract.

"Yep," Naruto murmured, surprisingly calm, "that's my lung, and about half of it's missing... that's kind of freaky."

Fingering where his normal skin met the dark, purple substance, his finger felt freezing on one side and warmth on the other. Whatever covered his arm and chest, it surprisingly smoother than his skin, didn't restrict his movement in any way. He could flex his fingers, bend his elbow, and probably windmill his arm around if he tried.

Using his left hand Naruto felt around its edges and discovered at once that it extended over his shoulder and neck on his right side, almost up to his ear. He went further down, going past his waist and feeling the same stuff on his thigh.

He looked at his leg, letting a low growl escape his lips, "Stupid stuff, covered my whole leg too..." Naruto's eyes grew, seeing that whatever covered most of his right side disappeared under his boxers.

His hand tentatively went in, grabbed a fist full of himself, and squeezed _very_ gently.

Naruto sighed loudly, shoulders slumping in relief, "That's good, I bet it would be very weird trying to pee having any of this purple stuff on any of it." his inspection done, he turned and walked over to the dresser.

_'Nyeh,'_ the five-year old thought, pulling on a pair of black pants,_ 'I wonder where the Old Man is?'_

Buttoning and zipping up his pants, Naruto suddenly froze, eyes broad, "I can see my fucking lung!?" he shouted, snapping his head back to his chest and seeing said organ-half expand and contract with every breath.

Naruto shakily poked his translucent, purple chest with his finger, "People aren't supposed to be able to see their insides! I don't care if some purple stuff got all over me, that shit just doesn't happen!"

Fortunately, the door chose that moment to squeak open and reveal Kakuzu, who eyed his pupil in calm surprise, "You're up a little earlier than I thought you'd be."

"Old Man!" a blur struck him around his middle, sending them sprawling out in the middle of the dark hallway, "Nothing makes sense anymore!" it shouted hysterically, "I can see my lung and I got this purple stuff all over me!"

Kakuzu awkwardly patted the boy's back, having not the vaguest idea how to comfort him- other than what an old crone told him a few minutes ago on his way back from the store.

_'Just act calm.' _her wheezy voice echoed in his head, '_Young children always look towards their elders and parental figures to determine how they should act in new situations. Get home as quickly as you can, and if the boy is throwing a fit because of this accident, act calm, sincere, and generally behave as if it's not something to dwell on.'_

"What seems to be the problem, boy?" Kakuzu calmly asked.

"Problem!?" Naruto squeaked, hugging him tighter around his middle.

_'Holy shit!'_ the bounty hunter screamed mentally, '_Are you trying to break me in half!'_

"There's a bunch of fucking purple stuff all over my body," said boy shrieked, "and I can see my goddamn lung! You tell me what the problem is!"

"There is no problem." Kakuzu responded in a fake-calm voice, '_My ribs!'_

"You still have your limbs, don't you? Even though your arm and leg is a different color, you still have them."

The little boy looked away, gripping a lot less tightly to the relief of his 'grandpa', "...I can still see my lung." he finally countered after a long silence.

"...You... can't deny that's not cool." Kakuzu returned after some thought, remembering Naruto was still stuck in the 'gross things are AWESOME!' stage.

"...Yeah," Naruto admitted timidly, "it is pretty cool."

The old man gave as real a smile as he could muster, "Sounds like to me you over-reacted just a bit." he consoled, picking himself and Naruto up, "Now, go finish dressing while I make us something to eat."

Naruto grinned suddenly, racing back into his room and cheerfully replying, "Okay, Old Man!" before happily shutting the door.

Kakuzu sighed silently, relieved; disaster averted, for now. Shaking his head as he walked away, he mumbled under his breath, "I swear that kid's bi-polar or something."

A short time later found Kakuzu and Naruto, fully clothed, sitting at a white table in a spartan kitchen and eating a breakfast of hash-browns, bacon, eggs, sausage, and toast. The younger demolished his in minutes (using his left, not-purple hand because Kakuzu told him), while the older ate slowly enough to actually taste his food.

Once finished Kakuzu looked up from his plate and asked, "What do you remember before waking up here?"

Naruto scrunched up his face in thought for a few moments, "I remember being around a bridge while you played with a couple of bandits, an explosion, some glowing stuff, and talking to a giant puppy."

"Talking to a giant puppy?" incredulously asked Kakuzu, "Boy, did you hit your head or something?"

"I didn't hit my head old man!" Naruto growled childishly, crossing his arms, "I woke up in a weird sewer and talked to a giant puppy that called himself 'Lord Kyibu'. He was mean and scary, probably because his owners gave him a stupid name."

Kakuzu sighed, rubbing his temples, _'Well, at least that will make telling him a bit easier.'_

Aloud, he said, "Okay then, so you don't remember anything else?" Naruto shook his head, prompting Kakuzu to continue, "Well, after I killed the man that almost killed you, I followed a blood trail into a nearby cave and found you laying under a giant, glowing crystal formation of some sort. In place of your arm, a chunk of your chest, and leg, I found the 'purple stuff'. It looked just like the crystal, except it wasn't glowing or opaque."

Naruto thoughtfully scrunched his face for a few moments, "...And all those words mean?"

The older man felt the beginnings of a headache, "It means that the crystal somehow bonded a portion of itself to you, most likely saving your life."

Nodding slowly, Naruto suddenly asked, "So does this mean I can keep the giant puppy?"

Kakuzu sighed, "...Maybe, it depends on what you two talked about."

Naruto scratched the back of his head, "He said we were inside my mind but not, that I almost died, called something a para-something, called itself a bunch of stupid names, I named him Little Poop, then I woke up here."

"Is that all?" Kakuzu demanded, causing Naruto to nod, "I want you to understand something, the giant puppy is inside you because he was being very naughty and his owners put him in you to punish him. You know those sealing scrolls we keep stuff in? Its a lot like that- you understand that?"

Naruto nodded, fidgeting in his seat and energetically kicking his legs.

"Okay, good." Kakuzu mumbled to himself, before again sighing, "We'll talk more about this later, now lets go train- and remember to use only your left hand today, I'm not done teaching you how to be ambidextrous."

0o0o0o0o0o

The first thing they learned about the Parasite was that it wouldn't let Naruto channel any chakra.

"Why isn't this stupid exploding tag working!" the boy screamed, kicking the ground, "Did you buy a dud again Old Man?"

Kakuzu grunted, gesturing for Naruto to step back. When he did the man made a sign with one hand and the tag, once again slapped onto a tree, detonated.

Naruto slipped out of the way of some jagged shrapnel, frowning, "How come it worked for you and not for me?"

Kakuzu thought for a moment, snatching a leaf out of the air and handing it to the boy, "Try balancing this like I taught you."

Grumbling when he remembered learning that boring exercise, he nonetheless complied. Naruto rose his hand, put the leaf on his palm, and channeled as much chakra into it as he could. When he felt like he had the leaf stuck to him, he turned over his hand.

It twirled to the ground.

"Come on Old Man," pouted the little boy, "did you give me a dud leaf too?"

Kakuzu rubbed his face through his mask, "...Try doing that wind jutsu I taught you last week."

Naruto grinned, did the hand-signs, but hesitated. Seeing that, Kakuzu growled, "Its name is Wind Style: Great Breakthrough. I thought I told you not to forget it again?"

The boy pouted at him, did the hand-signs again, shouted its name, then thrust his hands forward. No tunnel of cutting wind, no sudden shift in environmental chakra, and no surrounding damage.

"Why isn't it working?!" the boy demanded, doing it again and again.

"I think," Kakuzu started slowly, "that the purple crystal is the problem. The Kyu- giant puppy called it a parasite, maybe because it feasts on chakra?"

"What does that mean?"

Kakuzu frowned under his mask, enraged that five years of investment just came to an end, "You can't channel chakra anymore, your life as a ninja is over." he growled.

"What!" Naruto shrieked, whirling around, "I can't be a ninja anymore? That's not fair- I love being a ninja!"

"Listen brat," the older man replied, pacing angrily and trying to think of a way to salvage this situation, "I know you love being a ninja and being with me, but the fact is I can't bring you along with me if you can't help. Since you can't channel chakra you'd be dead weight, slowing me down." Kakuzu paused, looking at the downcast boy.

"I'm sorry," he lied, "but this is where we part ways."

Naruto stumbled back, huddling against a tree, "I can't be a ninja?" he sniffled, tears dropping from his face, "I-I can't stay with y-you anymore? Where am I su-supposed to go?"

"I don't know."

He clenched his hand, and screamed, "This isn't fair!" whirled around, and punched the tree with all his strength.

"Goddamnit boy!" Kakuzu snapped on reflex, "I thought I told you t-"

The tree warped around the boy's fist as it creaked and moaned. The bark rippled, shattering as the tree bent out of shape.

Naruto stared in awe at his hand, buried elbow deep into the tree's middle. He looked up at the tree, bent over him and creaking with every move he made. Finally, his mind clicked as he realized what had just happened.

"Old Man the tree is trying to eat me!" he screamed, tearing himself and the whole side of the carnivorous tree loose. Naruto fell to the ground and it shook, yawning as it tilted forward onto the boy- who quickly rolled out of the way. It fell to the ground, quivering- Naruto jumping up and kicking it with his right foot.

"Stupid tree!" he shouted, shards of wood leaping through the air as he kicked, "This is what for being mean!"

"Naruto." he looked over to see Kakuzu completely flabbergasted, not that he could tell with that mask in the way, "Do you realize what just happened?"

Naruto scowled, "The tree tried to eat me."

"Naruto," Kakuzu stated again, his business like mind quickly taking over, "You just punched a tree and it exploded."

His eyes widened in childlike glee, grinning, "Does that mean I can blow things up without explosive tags?"

"Maybe." his master grunted, walking back to the safehouse and gesturing for him to follow, "I just want to check something."

Once safely inside they both sat at the kitchen table. Kakuzu rolled up his sleeve, put his elbow on the table, and, looking Naruto right in the eye, said, "Do you know how to arm wrestle?"

The boy shook his head, prompting him to explain, "Its simple, we lock hands like this," he took Naruto's regular hand in his, "and push until one of our hands touches the table. You understand?" he asked, causing Naruto to nod.

"Good, now begin."

If someone walked in at that moment they would have been treated with the sight of a little boy arm wrestling a grown man with all his might. Naruto pushed until his face turned bright red, Kakuzu's arm not wavering, until the man gently pushed the boy's hand onto the table.

"That's not fair!" Naruto complained, scowling cutely, "You're so much stronger than me!"

"I am," the bounty hunter agreed, this time taking Naruto's crystalline hand, "but I just want to check something. We'll be done in a moment, now push as much as you can."

Fortunately Kakuzu activated his earth armor, turning his skin and flesh into something harder than steel. Fortunately- because Naruto sent his hand through the table, through the floor, into the basement, and into the house's earthly foundations with a sudden godly surge of might.

Naruto gaped at the destruction, staring through the hole in the floor at his master.

"What does this mean?" he asked airily.

"It means that you can still be a ninja." Kakuzu declared, brushing dirt off his robes, "And that I'm deducting this damage from your cut.

**Thanks to Flamefather for reminding me to update after so long.**


	5. Parties Are Nice

**Chapter Five, Parties Are Nice...**

Two figures walked down a deserted road in a small, unnamed country. One towered over the other, while the smaller struggled to keep pace with the taller. Both wore plain black robes, but the smaller also wore a pair of matching gloves. The boy pulled one off, wiping the sweat off his forehead with a purple, crystalline hand.

"Old Man," he whined, "this place is so hot! Why can't we just leave?"

The masked man didn't turn or pause, "Because my contact said some doctor here is looking to hire a few ninja guards for a huge party he's hosting, Naruto. Besides, this place isn't as hot as Suna was during the war."

Naruto groaned, "Not this again! When are you going to stop mentioning the war?"

"When are you going to stop complaining?" Kakuzu shot back, "Do I need to retrain you... again?"

Naruto paled and rapidly shook his head, "No-no-no-no! I'm fine Old Man!"

The heart stealer grunted, "Good, now pipe down. It's hard to hear everything when a toddler is yapping in a shrill voice behind you."

"I'm not a toddler!" pouted Naruto, "I'm seven!"

"You act like one, so I'll call you one until you grow up." Kakuzu growled back, "And I thought I gave you an order to shut your trap?"

Naruto huffed, but said nothing when his master shot an angry glare in his direction. As soon as Kakuzu looked away, Naruto stuck his tongue out at the back of his head.

"I saw that."

"No you d-" another glare, a harder one this time. Naruto cringed, then looked to the ground and fell silent. Fortunately for the hyperactive kid, the silence only lasted until they reached a manor gate.

Looking up he saw an amazing complex, walls towering over them as Kakuzu talked to the guard on duty. Painted red and gold, they concealed almost everything beyond them- save the top three elaborate floors of the central manor.

Before Naruto could shake himself from his stupor Kakuzu ushered them past the gate and into the central courtyard. They didn't stop, walking up to the manor and passing by several servants going about their duties. Several carried clothes, both clean and barely dirty. Others carried plates, food, or cages of live chicken or turkey. No matter what they did or carried, all wore the modest brown clothes of a servant.

Those left unladen with awkward living or inanimate bundles bowed to Kakuzu as they passed, greeting in deferential voices. They entered the manor, finding themselves in a lavishly designed lobby. Predominately red and gold, but with the occasional splash of regal purple, the walls themselves seemed to shimmer in the light. All in all, a gaudy display of wealth.

_'Which means a very healthy payoff if we satisfy our client.'_ Kakuzu mentally grinned.

_'Everything would look better if it was all orange.'_ Naruto quietly asserted.

They left the lobby after asking a passing servant for directions. Marching down a long hallway and coming to a stop in front of a large doorway, Kakuzu raised his hand and knocked.

Silence for a moment, then, "Please come in."

The door made no noise, hinges smoothly sliding inwards at Kakuzu's barest touch. They entered, both taking in the occupant and room in a heartbeat.

A kindly man sat behind a small oaken desk laden with several tiny piles of paper and a single book. He looked up from his work as they silently walked in, smiling easily with shining green eyes. His small mustache crinkled, bald head gleaming as light streamed in from the window. He stood, bowing slightly and letting them see his choice of clothes- fine silk garments, sleek silver pants, and ornate sandals.

Tall bookcases dominated the brightly painted room, filled with thousands upon thousands of medical texts and journals. As they watched the man picked up the book and placed it on the shelf.

"Forgive me for the mess." the man stated, offering his hand, "There's a rather lethal strain of flu going around this time of year, and the government has contracted me to advise their researchers. I'm Doctor Hideki Moto, a pleasure to meet you."

Kakuzu shook the proffered hand, "The pleasure is all mine, I'm Kakuzu, and this is Naruto. I understand you're searching for a few men to bolster your guardsmen ranks for an up coming event, so I've come to apply."

The doctor nodded, "Ah yes, I've been hoping someone would come along. Ninjas, the two of you?" he asked, getting an affirmative, "Excellent! Let's talk and tour the mansion, I understand knowing what you're guarding is important."

They quickly left the office, "Now, this event is a convention between all national researchers and doctors studying disease and pestilence." the Doctor stated, "This mansion has been chosen to host the convention due to it's size- and the research and development of a vaccine- due to my extensive and modern laboratories. Unfortunately there has been a rise in insurgent groups, the most persistent of which headed by an unpleasant man nicknamed 'Kure Congo'."

The three left the central mansion and entered the courtyard, servants bowing and smiling as they passed. The Doctor smiled back, greeting all of them by name, before continuing.

"Because of this, several attending doctors have expressed their unease. They think an insurgent group may take this opportunity to attack and kill or capture us. Thus I am searching for some men to bolster my the security around here." they stopped by a doorway, "Do you have any questions?"

"A few," Kakuzu responded, "how long will we be required to stay? What will our duties be, and how much will we be reimbursed?"

"No more than a week, wherever my Guard Captain needs you, and ten thousand bills for a job well done- each." the Doctor gave Naruto a look, "But I'll have Manura station you in the main ballroom, Naruto. An easy post, the worst enemy you'll have to fight will be boredom."

The boy pouted and crossed his arms, "But I want to fight someone!"

Doctor smiled, "No doubt, but fighting isn't everything in life. What use is the body without the perfect mind guiding it? What use is either without the perfect soul controlling both?" he sighed, cracking the door open and entering, "But you haven't come to listen to my philosophical drivel, please follow me."

The tour continued, going through every room, crack and crevice. By the end Kakuzu had a mental layout of the entire mansion, while Naruto barely controlled the urge to run around- screaming his head off from boredom. The Doctor showed them to their room, leaving them with a quick smile, handshake, and thanks for taking the contract.

"There's something odd about that man." stated Kakuzu the moment he left.

"What?" Naruto asked, playing with the window blinds.

"I don't know, he's hiding it very well."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"How?"

"I don't know!" the older man glared at Naruto, "It's an instinctive feeling, something you should have developed by now. Now sit down, shut up, and stop asking all these questions!"

Naruto rolled his eyes, but complied for six minutes (because he got a little more patient over the years) and asked innocently, "Are you getting angry again?"

Hideki deducted the resulting damage from their pay.

0o0o0o0o0o

The days leading up to the big shindig almost excited Kakuzu in its boredom. He met dozens of people of great and dubious importance, the Guard Captain, the head cook, the Doctor's favorite 'serving' girl, and a random gardener among the more memorable. Naruto, meanwhile, had a blast playing with all the servant children, but got annoyed whenever someone called him cute and ruffled his hair.

Moving on, the day of the Grand Gala approached swiftly; so swiftly in fact that it felt like just minutes after trashing their first room. Kakuzu had been stationed outside the main ballroom somewhere with a few random ninja also hired by the Good Doctor, and, true to his word, he had stationed Naruto inside with most of the guests.

And he hated every second of it.

"Ah, you're so cute!"

"Have you come to protect me little ninja?"

"Of course he did, any bad men would surrender at the sight of this little guy!"

In accordance with the law stating all women found little things unattached to a man's crotchal regions cute, Naruto found himself doted on by every woman in the room. It didn't matter that some had come for the event, others had been dragged in by their spouses, and the kunochi in the crowd had a room to guard. No matter their occupation or circumstance, all of them surrounded the little boy with hearts in their eyes.

And each of them kept touching his hair!

Naruto pouted angrily as yet another woman ruffled it, sending them swooning from apocalyptic cuteness.

"I'm not a little guy!" he protested, crossing his arms, "I'm a manly man that can hurt any bad men!"

"Of course you could."

"Definitely."

"Ah, you're so cute!"

The boy pouted again, getting another volley of swoons, and tried peeking through the women in search of help. Despite everything that had happened over the years, Naruto still couldn't find it within him to 'be mean to people'.

On the far side of the room, between dozens of doctors sipping expensive drinks and munching on carrots, he spotted Doctor Hideki. As if sensing his eyes, the doctor looked to him with a smile on his face, eyes widening when he spotted the crowd around Naruto. Stunned for just a moment, he made a smart remark to the person next to him and quickly traversed the ballroom.

"Ladies, ladies, ladies!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up, "Give the poor boy some room, you're overwhelming him! He's no-" he spotted the kunochi, "Tsunde, what are you doing away from your post?"

All eyes turned to her as she shuffled awkwardly, mumbling something and gesturing to Naruto.

The Doctor raised his eyebrows slightly, "Please return to your post immediately, I imagined you'd be more professional than this."

Tsunde gave a quick bow, mumbling her apologies, then dashed back to her station. Once she left, the Doctor turned to one woman and gave her a look.

"Professor Tsuki, I thought you of all people would know what crowding someone unused to social gatherings could do to him."

The professor flushed, shooting Naruto an embarrassed look, "I know, it's just that... He's just so cute!" she blurted, flushing again.

Naruto growled angrily, crossing his arms and squinting a pout that, luckily, went unnoticed by all but Hideki.

He smiled, eyes lingering on him for a moment, "I understand Professor, but give him a little breathing room. Admire him from a distance if you must, like an amazing beast in it's natural habitat. Avoid provoking its ire, or thrusting it in an unsettling situation, lest you unsettle it. Go enjoy the party, he'll always be here."

A few women shuffled a bit then regretfully broke ranks, throwing wistful looks at the young boy. The rest milled about, delaying for as long as possible.

The Doctor wouldn't have any of it, "Go on now ladies! Shoo!"

Shooting Naruto one last swoon and glaring at Hideki, they dispersed and merged with the party.

The doctor took a long breath, standing next to Naruto, "Animals, aren't they?" he asked, sounding distinctly amused.

The boy grumbled, running a hand over his unruly mop, "They kept touching my hair, now it's all messed up!"

Hideki just smiled, "If anyone else gives you trouble, Naruto, just find me and I'll deal with them. Okay?"

The boy grumbled, then nodded, the Doctor going back to the party.

For hours and hours the gathering dragged on. Every woman cast Naruto longing looks, but Hideki's words rung through their minds. The boy swiftly grew bored without women to annoy him, so he leaned against the wall and let his imagination run wild.

_'That guy's nose looks like a potato.' _he thought, watching a plump man's face jiggle with every word, _'How does he even stand up? Does he have sticks tied to his legs?'_

Eyes turned to another, a woman in a low cut dress that came dangerously close to breaking a few decency laws.

_'Why's every guy looking at her? She doesn't look that pretty- well, her hair is a lot like mine, but it looks cooler on me.'_

_'...what would potato face do if someone punched him in the gut?'_

_'When is Old Man going to teach me a few new moves?'_

His stomach roared like a lion.

_'Shut up! I can't eat right now, I'm on a job! You should know that by now!'_

It growled again.

_'No, I'm not going to take one of those fancy little sandwiches.'_

Long, angry roar.

_'Don't be like that, I'll make it up to you! There's supposed to be a fancy ramen place in the next city.'_

Short growl.

_'Fine, I'll shell out a bit more for shrimp, pork, miso, beef, and the works. Are you happy now?'_

Quiet rumble.

_'Good, now shut up.'_

Conversation over, Naruto turned back to standing guard. He ignored all the babbling around him, closed his eyes, and started feeling the crowd.

A few minutes after that, he decided that the crowd was completely safe and tried falling asleep standing up. Minutes later, Naruto realized it was harder to do than Kakuzu made it look, opened his eyes, and groaned.

"I wish something would happen."

All the lights went out.

Abrupt silence, then screams tore through the dark. As suddenly as it happened, the lights came back on.

"Greetings ladies and gentlemen!"

All eyes turned towards the ballroom center as people gasped, though Naruto couldn't see though the crowd. Using his small stature, the boy sneaked between people unseen- everyone fearfully watching the speaker. Even as he walked, his attitude abruptly shifted.

"I'm sorry to say that the entertainment will not be making it-" _'voice deep, male, authoritative' _"-instead we'll be honored to perform for such a distinguished group."

Finally making it through, Naruto found three men walking around, the revelers shirking back when they came too close. In the clearing's exact center stood a blood spattered man, unkempt, dirty beard masking much of his face.

It did nothing to hide his unsettling smile, a leer as he spun to encompass all.

"To make sure you all get the most for your money, my men have taken the liberty of locking all the doors so no-one's tempted to skip out on the fun. And what fun we shall have! Many of you have heard of me, but to those who have not introductions are in order."

The leer grew, "I'm called the Kure Congo, and I'm here to spread my message."

_'I've heard that name somewhere, he's trouble.'_ Naruto observed, _'Where's the ninja lady, and where's old man? Can't wait for them, need to deal with them now.'_

Kure Congo laughed, "You know what's disgusting?" he leered, "How you 'doctors' prance around in the finest clothes, eat food on gold foil, and live in mansions the size of towns, while the poor starve and kill each other for handfuls of food. You all say the same thing, how you deserve it for the hard work you do. Then what about this flu? Why has this disease ravaged the country for a year while you 'work' on a cure?"

Silence, everyone watched the men while Naruto got into position.

"Nobody knows? How about you?" Kure pointed at Potato face, who shrunk back, "No answer? Does that mean after a year no progress has been made on a cure?"

"Excuse me, Mister Congo."

All eyes turned to Doctor Hideki, who stepped out of the crowd.

"Cures don't appear out of thin air, they take time and practice to get right. Furthermore, the flu is a virus, not a bacteria, a chakra-_enhanced_ virus at that. A virus alone would be difficult to cure, since viricides and vaccines for them are relatively new."

Congo snorted, "Lies concocted by the government to keep us under control. We can't trust anything that comes out of your pig mouth." he gestured to one of his men, who smacked the Doctor, grabbed him, and dragged him over.

Hideki, forced to his knees, spat blood to his side, "If you want a cure for this disease," he declared defiantly, "you're just going to have to let us work."

Kure snorted again, pulling out a knife that sent everyone scrambling further away, "No, we're not. How do I know you-"

He whirled around, flicking his wrist and deflecting a deadly kunai. His eyes landed on Naruto, standing out in the open with a brace of kunai in one hand.

Congo glared at the the man next to him, "I thought I told you to kill every guard when the lights went out!" he snarled.

The man wilted, "I-I thought you'd want to take care of him, boss. He's just a kid, don't you like killing them?"

Congo frowned and turned back to Hideki, "Maybe I do, but in an operation like this there can be no fuck ups. Kill him yourself, I need to entertain the good doctor. We'll discuss this insubordination later."

His subordinate nodded, unsheathing the finely curved Katana resting at his side, and stepped forward.

Naruto took in all information in a moment, just like Kakuzu trained him. _'All four have Ninja training, Congo seems strongest. Decent weapons split between them all, but still easy to break. One approaches, two others watch the guests but keep an eye on me, and Congo waves a knife in client's face. Take first one down, those two to prevent a hostage situation or any distractions, then kill Congo._'

"Tell me, Doctor Hideki," Congo spat, "how is it that you're estate isn't so much as an estate, but a palace? Where did you get all this money, why didn't you spend any of it to help fund a cure?"

The first ninja finally stepped within range, directing all his strength to a horizontal swipe as Naruto's weight shifted.

"This mansion wasn't purchased with any funds, but donated six months ago to serve as a research station. The basement levels have been turned into laboratories, the rest of the mansion either quarters for staff, servants, and doctors, or dining rooms."

Naruto rose his right arm, sword clanging off his crystal side as he grabbed the man's wrist and sent a kunai into his chest.

"If that's the case then why do the upper levels have such an expensive paint job?"

The ninja toppled, blade stuck in his heart and dead before he hit the floor. Naruto moved.

"Came with the mansion, would be a waste of finances removing it or painting it over."

Before the second ninja registered his partner's death he joined him, neck broken in a single punch.

"How very convenient, pig-"

The third put up a pitiful defense, half turning and unsheathing his own blade before Naruto's kunai lodged in his skull.

"-yet you prance around in silk clothes while the people you 'serve'-"

Congo snapped around, ducking an arm that would have taken off his head. He countered, knife stabbing Naruto's chest but rebounding with a tink- like metal hitting stone. The blade vibrated and shattered, sending shrapnel into his hand and forcing him to put distance between them.

"You little shit!" he cursed, pain shockingly absent, "I'll kill you for that."

Naruto smirked cockily, "Nah, I'll kick your ass!"

_'Tendons likely severed, hand useless now.'_

Kure seethed and pulled out another knife, using his other hand. As Naruto inched closer, Kure moved toward the doctor. In a flash Hideki found Naruto standing in between them, mere feet away from an infamous terrorist.

"Naruto."

The boy grunted, but didn't take his eyes off Kure.

"Don't let him escape, kill him if you can."

"Don't you mean capture?" Naruto asked.

"No, he's too dangerous to leave alive."

"No," Kure whispered, "I'm too dangerous to _die_!"

In a blink he crossed the distance, slashing at Naruto's side. Parrying with his remaining kunai, the boy careened his fist at his foe's chest. Kure sidestepped, kicking out and catching Naruto in his weaker leg.

He stumbled, allowing Kure to slash at his face. Naruto barely swerved away, blade trailing along his nose before he counter struck. Using what little leverage he could on the smooth floor, he kicked at the man's ankle. Kure stumbled, but recovered and pressed his advantage.

Naruto rose his right arm to meet his knife. To Kure, it seemed as a last pitiful defense against certain death. When his blade made contact, it sank through Naruto's sleeve and struck crystal. It violently shook, dropping out of his hand as Naruto shot back to his feet.

A punch to Kure's diaphragm with his right shattered ribs and ruptured organs. He buckled, wheezing as he fell to one knee with a hand on his chest. He looked up just in time to see the sole of a black shoe smack into his face, sending him tumbling back.

Wiping the blood from his broken nose, Kure smiled up at Naruto, making a sign with his good hand. Before he channeled his chakra, Naruto stamped his foot on his head.- sending brain, skull, and blood everywhere. He rose his foot, looking at the mess on his shoe and grunting in disgust.

"I hate it when this happens!" he whined, rubbing off as much as he could on the corpse's shirt.

Someone in the crowd found their voice, "When _this _happens?"

Naruto grunted, "Yeah, these shoes are a bitch to clean!"

"Excuse me, young ninja?"

Naruto looked up, finding a doctor standing a few feet away with some empty vials.

"Do you mind if I take a few samples?"

The boy raised an eyebrow, "Of what?"

The doctor gestured to the mess on the floor, "Of this. Though his brain isn't intact I can still find a use for so much gray and white matter."

Naruto shrugged, Knock yourself out."

And so the doctor dutifully scrapped Kure's brains off the floor and stuffed them into tiny vials.

"Wish there was a little less contaminants in my samples." he mumbled.

"Hey, are the doors locked?" Naruto asked, making his way through the parting crowd.

"From the outside," Hideki informed, joining him, "Kure must have had some moles within the staff, the only way out is for someone on the other side to unlock it. Some sort of debris or obstruction in the way, it wouldn't have worked otherwise."

"I'll just punch it." the boy responded, stopping before the mentioned door.

Hideki raised an eyebrow, "The door is made out of hardened oak enhanced with chakra. It can withstand one thousand pounds per square inch-"

Naruto wound up, smashing the door with his right hand, and made it explode.

"-and is now nothing but expensive shards of wood." Hideki commented, "Now... what the hell happened here?"

The blood coated the hall top to bottom, wooden shrapnel strewn among the bodies laying everywhere. Some no more than shriveled up carcases, burnt to a crisp, others mutilated- cut in half or thirds, missing limbs.

"That's a lot of blood." Hideki dryly commented, sounds of shock and fear coming from the crowd behind, "Going to take weeks for the staff to clean it all up."

"Sorry," Naruto replied, "Old Man can be very messy sometimes. Hey, Burning Guy!"

Shadows moved, a form bleeding from the wall with white mask covered in blood. It growled, a body of black sinew moving and shaking forward.

"Go tell Old Man that we got out of the dining hall and killed that Kure guy." Naruto ordered, brushing some wood debris from his robe.

The mask nodded, flowing through the halls in search of its owner.

"...what was that?" Hideki calmly asked.

"Burning Guy, he shoots fire." the boy responded, looking around, "He, the others, and Old Man always make a huge mess when they fight."

The doctor nodded, "I see."

Time passed in silence, the heat getting to Naruto as he removed his right glove and wiped his forehead.

Hideki blinked at the purple appendage, "Excuse me, what is wrong with your hand?"

Naruto shrugged, replacing his glove, "Nothing. It's purple, hard, and lets me explode things by punching them."

The doctor nodded again, "I see..."

Kakuzu chose that moment to appear, covered in blood with Burning Guy nowhere in sight, "No less than thirty ninja attacked while you were locked up. The other men you hired to bolster security also turned and attacked. Manura, the rest of the guards and I had some trouble: a dozen injuries and one death among us. We're taking stock of staff injuries, but so far none appear more than lightly injured."

"And the attacking force?"

Kakuzu gestured around the hallway, "These ones made it the farthest, and lasted longest. Those few that didn't die retreated moments ago, and I'm in pursuit."

"You're in pursuit? But you're standing right here."

"An earth clone is standing right here." Kakuzu corrected, "The real me is probably picking off the survivors one by one. I should be back in no more than fifteen minutes."

Hideki nodded, smiling, "Thanks, we're fortunate I hired you."

"Just doing our job, sir."

0o0o0o0o0o

Hideki rested within his office, laying back in his seat- eyes closed. Hours had passed since the attack, the sun setting long ago.

He sighed, straightened, and turned his attention back to the book on his desk.

"_The Void Parasite, however, makes up for the host's low chakra levels by being light and nigh indestructible. This perfect balance between weight and destructive force allows the host to use it as a bludgeoning instrument. Capable of taking down walls, shattering weapons and armor, and sowing discord among the enemy, it's fortunate that the Void Cult vanished centuries ago." _

"It didn't go quite as planned." Hideki uttered.

A man appeared in the room, bearded, eyes empty of sympathy, "No," he agreed, "but we still managed to swing things our favor. While we couldn't kill most of the ruling class, the world will believe me dead. My men are very loyal, and will fight in my name until their deaths. They will serve their purpose."

"I knew it was a mistake hiring those two."

The man rubbed his hand, "I'm not surprised about the older man, Kakuzu. Any ninja that lives that long has got to be a coward or a force of nature. The boy surprised me the most, his strength was like nothing I've ever seen... I only wish I could have detonated the exploding tags."

Hideki nodded, "As do I, Kure. With me in the safe zone no one else would have survived. But we'll need to resort to our second plan, slow gradual change rather than swift."

The terrorist growled, "And while we fight, my people will starve."

"Only until my first shipment reaches them, enough food to last them months."

Kure smiled, "Thank you, but I'd still like the revolution to end as quickly as possible."

The doctor tapped his finger on the desk, "About that, I believe I have a way to speed up the process."

"What?"

He slid the book to Kure.

"The boy removed his right glove, and I found his hand to be the crystal described in this book. If we manage to isolate the boy before he leaves, and take him to my other laboratories, I may find a way to transfer the crystal to other hosts."

Kure grunted, "Sounds promising, when do we do it?"

"Before the week is out. Kakazu told me he would stay around for a few more days before moving on. I'd prefer to do it tomorrow, when everyone is leaving and a few more people on the road won't go noticed."

Kure grinned, then nodded, "Tomorrow it is. Any plans for dealing with Kakuzu?"

"Yes, I'd like you to handle him before he finds out. Kill him if needed."

A chuckle, "That, I can do."


	6. But Doctors Aren't

**Chapter Six, -But Doctors Aren't**

"Is there any way I can convince you to stay longer, Kakuzu?" Hideki asked the next day.

They sat in an extravagant dining room, enjoying a lavish breakfast of exquisite and expensive foods Everyone started with enough to qualify as a feast rather than a breakfast- the average man needing an hour and a half to finish his plate alone. Naruto managed in five minutes.

Said boy suppressed an explosive belch, knowing it'd qualify as rude in present company. Over one-hundred and eighty doctors sat at the long table, enjoying their breakfast and chattering amongst themselves. All mostly forgot yesterday's SNAFU despite Kure's appearance, having grown used to similar unrest over the years. Two doctors in particular held a conversation with hidden importance a few people from Naruto.

"The funniest thing, Gato. I retired to my quarters last night after setting up a field examination lab-"

"Why bother when we have high quality equipment in the basement?" Gato asked.

"No offense to our host but I prefer working with familiar equipment. Anyway, I set up a test involving the brain tissue I got from Kure, and since it's a long test I let it sit overnight. The thing is, when I woke up and checked the experiment I didn't find brain tissue in the test tubes, but blood."

"Blood? What happened to the samples?"

"If I knew that, old friend, do you think I'd have asked around all morning? I have a clue though, remember Jaruni?"

Gato snorted, "How could I forget that fool? He ruined our expedition two years ago."

"Well, when I asked him about it, he said an 'intelligent southerner' would have never made the same mistake. Then the idiot brought up the expedition, and said that it never would have went wrong if he'd been in charge. So I said to him, how could a southerner lead us anywhere when he can't lead himself out of his house to find someone other than his sister to fornicate with?"

"That must have colored him red, you know how touchy he is about his sister."

"Correct. So he grew red, puffed himself up like the self important inbred he is, and said, 'I can only hope that it was a southerner that took your samples' then stormed off."

"So..." Gato started slowly, "it was a southerner that took your samples? It was a mistake letting those baboons spread like the pestilence they are."

"Lets just hope that its not too late to correct this."

Naruto hadn't heard a word, too busy listening to Hideki and his old man talk.

"Some more wine, young master?" a passing waiter quietly asked.

Naruto eagerly nodded, letting the man top off his fancy engraved glass and taking a huge gulp of it. Stomach growled happily, going unheard as Kakuzu answered.

"I'm afraid not, Doctor. While your hospitality is humbling, Naruto and I prefer being on the road to staying bogged down in one spot too long."

Only a half truth-

"But you've been here for only a week and a half."

-Kakuzu was much more observant than Naruto. While the boy played with any kids he could find Kakuzu had been at work, studying everything about the nation.

This country wasn't ruled by any normal government. Founded on the principles of scientific and academic advancement, doctors, teachers, and scholars all but ruled the nation. To help govern the nation had been divided into districts, the Northern, Middle, and Southern ones. A grand, idealistic prospect, a nation ruled by knowledge, not by force, back door deals, or politics.

How very naïve.

With any sort of power, even those held by the kindest, most selfless men, corruption is just a matter of time. Founding principles get warped by interpretation, the power of founding bodies dilute as progressively weaker men take reign, insults accumulate as hate festers and grows.

Tensions have grown between the North and South, with the Middle obviously caught in between. Advancement of all sorts ground to a halt years ago, rates of academic theft, murder, and intrigue rising between regions. Education, previously free on all levels, suddenly cost so much only the rich and powerful could afford it- an attempt to keep the poor unaware.

Civil unrest had finally started this year when the production of the cure and vaccine of the flu ground to a halt. The poor died in droves while the rich stayed safe, whole towns wiped out without any action from the leading body of doctors. It didn't take long for rumor to spread that after years of discrimination the upper class finally grew tired of that blemish upon society.

And through it all the North and South played like homicidal siblings, aiming daggers at each other while the Middle stands in between. Like enraged men swinging at each other, oblivious to the house falling around their ears.

If the flu didn't wipe out the nation, the brewing civil war would. If not the civil war, then the class war. The nation had become a stagnant, polluted pond, only a matter of time before all the minnows gulped their last.

"I've been on the road for decades, Naruto since he was born. I'm not ready to settle down just yet."

Kakuzu wasn't hired to fight in any war, just to protect a bunch of corrupt doctors for a party.

Hideki nodded, "I understand, after years of living one life it's difficult to change how one lives."

Kakuzu looked around discretely, watching the doctors feasting from plates the size of wheels, chattering happily, and drinking expensively aged wine.

_'Yes, I believe you'll know the true meaning behind that soon.'_

"Still though, it's a shame you need to leave so soon. Would another job be out of the question?" asked the doctor.

Kakuzu watched him for a moment, "How much will I be paid, how long will it take, and what will I need to do?"

"Fifty thousand bills and an unknown time frame." Hideki elaborated, "The job itself is relatively simple. With Kure dead his surviving lieutenants will most likely meet somewhere to consolidate whatever men and supplies they have left. The intelligence you gathered and what the military has discovered implies that they've made a camp somewhere in the nearby mountains. Your job is to level the encampment. If his lieutenants are there, killing or capturing them all will quadruple your pay. If dead bring me their recognizable heads, if alive simply bring them back here."

"That's a lot of money you're offering, not that I'm complaining."

"Kure's group has been a thorn in our side for months. It'll be a relief to the whole country if they're obliterated. To that end the government will pay appropriately. Do you accept?"

His eyes watched the doctor, "Might as well, considering the pay. Naruto-" he turned to the boy, "get yourself packed up, we've got another job."

"Actually, I was wondering if I could have him do something else for me."

That grabbed Naruto's attention, "Ha?"

"A friend of mine sent word early this morning that he has some business he'd like to discuss with me. The thing is, this friend and I didn't part on good terms last time we met- over a year ago." Hideki sombered, "He never explained in the letter what business he wanted to speak about, and last night's incident put me a little on edge. I'm afraid he may do something... unscrupulous. After seeing what little Naruto-" said boy growled, "-is capable of, I'd feel a lot safer with him watching me."

"Where would he need to go, how long would it take, and what's the pay?" Kakuzu not-quite demanded.

"Twenty thousand bills, about a day, and the next city-"

Naruto's eyes shot out, "You mean the one that has an awesome ramen stand?" he shouted, attracting everyone's attention in the hall.

Hideki rose an eyebrow, "You mean Saratma's? Yes, I've been there on more than one occasion. Finest Miso I have ever tasted."

Bouncing up and down in his seat, the boy positively salivated, "Old Man! Can I go? Come on, please? I really, really, really, really want to go!"

Kakuzu sighed, annoyance worming out caution, "Fine, go. Just make sure you do your job. We'll meet back here once we're both done."

"Yes! I'm going to get ready, wait here Doc!" with that Naruto shot out of the room as a blur.

Silence, everywhere.

"It seems the young master didn't finish his drink." the waiter noted.

0o0o0o0o0o

"Wait up young man!" Hideki shouted, "There's no rush, we have all day to make the appointment."

Naruto ground to a halt, almost one-hundred feet away, "But I want to taste some of that awesome ramen! Can we hurry up? Please? Please?"

The two walked along a deserted road going through the middle of the bright forest. All silent, save their conversation and the occasional snatch of birdsong. The sun gently watched from high above, suspended in the sky's middle.

The doctor smiled and shook his head, "It'll still be there when we arrive, the stand doesn't close until midnight. Slow down, relax and enjoy the scenery. You ate a rather large breakfast after all."

Stomach growled, clearly demanding food.

"But Stomach's hungry again!" Naruto pouted, walking back.

Hideki rose an eyebrow, "My boy, given your size, age, and relative lack of obesity, your stomach should be perfectly fine for hours."

_'And with all that sedative you drank_,_ you should be dead on the ground. How are you still standing?'_ he quietly added.

Naruto groaned disappointingly, Stomach echoing with a quick gurgle.

"But he's hungry!"

Hideki shook his head ruefully, grinning, "He can wait an hour, he won't shrivel up to nothing."

Snorting, Naruto twirled as they walked, "Whatever, I guess you'll just need to wait."

Whining, Stomach let out a little whimper, then fell silent.

"Nyeh..." quietly asked Naruto, "Mr. Hideki?"

"Yes?" he answered, wondering when the drug would take effect.

"Have you ever wanted to get a puppy?"

Hideki blinked, "Where did this come from?"

Naruto yawned, covering his mouth with his right hand.

_'Finally!'_

"Cause' Old Man wouldn't let me get one, prolly cause' he knew I already had one."

The doctor twitched his mouth in annoyance, "Sounds like you didn't know you had your own puppy."

"Nah, never did until I got blowed up." his eyes drooped, "And he's _really_ big, bigger than your whole mansion. Gots a bunch of tails instead of one, and gets really pissed if you call him fuzz butt."

"Does he?"

Naruto nodded, yawning, "Yep. I called him Underwear first, but he got real pissed and I got sad- cause' I spent, like, fifteen seconds thinking on his name. So I thought for a while longer, came up with Little Poop, and he, like, freaked the fuck out!"

"Did he?" Asked the doctor, seeming to pay rapt attention.

_'Great, in addition to being completely annoying he's delusional when drugged. What a fun combination.'_

Naruto nodded, stumbling a bit, "Yep. So I-" yawn, "thought up a-" nother' yawn, "another name that-"

He paused for a moment, yawning very deeply and stumbling to a nearby tree. Naruto grabbed it, trying to steady himself, but weakly slid to the ground as the wind blew.

"Hey... boss?" he asked, nearly dead to the world.

"Yes?"

"Can we take a break for a few minutes?" he mumbled, "I'm really tired."

Hideki laughed, "Of course. Must be that huge breakfast catching up to you."

Naruto nodded weakly, "Yeah." he said quietly, "Wake me up when you're ready to..."

Silence, blessed silence.

Hideki smiled, already crouching at the boy's level, "Don't worry, Naruto, I'll wake you when I'm ready to begin."

With a quick shift of his body weight he hefted the child onto his shoulders. Hideki looked down the road then, without waiting for a witness, stepped off the beaten path and onto one he knew so very

well.

It looked like nothing more than a trail used by game to traverse the forest, no sign of human passage. Light gently filtered to the ground through the treetops, providing illumination that Hideki never needed. With but a twitch of the finger his form shifted and vanished, nothing more than another shadow moving through the forest.

0o0o0o0o0o

Little more than a few creakily constructed lean-to's haphazardly thrown together, the camp stood in stark contrast to the snowy forest atop the mountain. Their stockpile of arms and armor sat under a few pine branches draped over a fallen tree, meager protection against the elements. The kitchen showed the most order, cast iron pots, pans, and grills standing like black against a white backdrop.

The mountainous forest stretched for dozens of miles, the perfect place for a band of terrorists to hide out. Unlimited hiding spots dotted the landscape, caves, crevices, and hidden holes they could go to ground in if the government sent in an army.

Unluckily for the remnants of Kure's guerrilla group, today's army outmatched a legion of marching men in terms of stealth. Eyes carefully watched a thicket of thirty men from a tree dozens of feet away.

_'Target Alpha.'_ it thought, watching a grumpy man crouched over a map.

"The doctors leaving that pig's mansion are too well guarded. With everything and everyone we lost in last night's attack, moving against them is out of the question."

A man with a long scar curving up neck grunted, "Perhaps, but we can't allow our brothers lives to go unavenged. Those _doctors_ are the ones keeping us in chains, allowing such a golden opportunity to walk away unchecked would be a foolish mistake."

_'Target Beta. Both targets present.'_

Many assembled men grunted, agreeing, but others remained silent.

"True, but what do we attack with?" the first man shot back, "There's only thirty of us left, everyone with ninja training died in the attack, and Kure took our entire stock of explosive tags. There is just no feasible way to win. We should cut our losses, go to ground for a few months and-"

"Hide like rats until the we all starve to death? Or until the plague wipes us out?!" Beta shouted, getting stronger grunts from the men, "If we do that then they would win, and our cause would just be another sad story in a dying country. Like it or not these may be our last days. If they are, then I say we should take out as many pigs with us as we can."

Unseen by all, shadows moved in for the kill.

"And if we do that, then our cause will die with us- not just the pigs." Alpha growled, "If Kure never agreed to your foolish proposition, then-"

"-We would be sitting on our asses, waiting for them to come to us rather than taking the fight to them." snarled Beta, shooting to his feet, "If we're going to fight for our people, we can't worry about our own lives like some weak cowards!"

Alpha sighed, seeming to age as he regarded the younger man before him, "I understand why you're so eager, but-"

Chaos.

Gallons of blood shot through the sky, trees fell and screams tore the wind as a huge blade of air rent the world. They all toppled, birds scattering and chirping as steam rose from their spilled entrails in the cool mountain air.

Alpha groaned, shuddering when his eyes fell on his legs, over ten feet away and cooling in a bank of snow. His vision swiftly darkening, a shifting figure slinked to the massacre like an giddy cat.

"Easiest money I have ever made." Kakuzu snorted, bending at the man's corpse and making a quick gesture. Alpha's head separated from his body, neck severed as if with a blade, the bounty hunter stuffing it unceremoniously into a scroll at his side.

And while he did this a man smiled from a mile away, quietly and expertly readying a bow. He checked the string, pulling experimentally as Kakuzu took his other target's head. Satisfied, he placed a single arrow against the string and rose his arm.

Kakuzu grunted, already anticipating where he would invest his reward as he stuffed the other head in his scroll. He stood, cracking his old back into alignment as the arrow struck.

It crashed into his chest, between his masks, and bounced off thanks to his favorite defensive jutsu. Dodging away from a following hail of arrows, deflecting any strays that came close, Kakuzu quickly ducked behind a large tree and assessed the situation.

_'One or more ninja archers capable of enhancing arrows for silent flight and sending them one after the other. General direction, at least a mile east. Likely hidden among the brush, trees, or rocks. Would be dangerous to engage head on.'_

He looked at the ground, then pulled his mask over his eyes. Kakuzu, making a couple hand-signs, mumbled a few words as he sank into the ground. It happened slowly because he rarely used such jutsu, but quickly enough that the distant archer didn't pinpoint his position.

Kure cursed, scanning the snowy forest without moving a muscle, "Where did that old bat go?"

The wind blew, tossing powered snow and reducing visibility to zero. He closed his eyes, feeling for his target.

Unseen by Kure, Kakuzu slowly reached out of the ground, kunai in hand. Eyes still covered by his mask, the older man slowly readied his arm, then flicked the blade.

Kure fell out of the tree and slammed into the ground just as Kakuzu pulled himself out of it. He pulled down his mask, looking at the knife in his target's eye, then to his target.

"Kure Congo, eh? I thought you were dead." he severed the man's head from his body, "You are now, at least."

Stuffing it into his scroll, Kakuzu didn't sense anything as the world around him detonated. It shook him and threw him to the ground, but didn't hurt thanks to his armor jutsu. Looking to his chest, Kakuzu saw most of his robe burned away to expose his five masks, smoldering linen dying out as another hail of arrows fell around him.

He rolled, evading several that sunk into the snow next to him, made it to his feet, and ducked behind another tree.

_'Another archer or several, likely ninja. Just as skilled as Kure it seems, and can't assume they don't know how I previously flanked Kure. How about I-'_

Something slid into his chest and Kakuzu grunted, looking down to see a black arrow piercing his wind mask. He rolled to the next tree, avoiding several more arrows, then jumped out and charged over to Kure's body.

Without stopping black tendrils leaped from his fingertips and tore out his heart, Kakuzu deflecting incoming arrows with his hardened arm. Not trusting any trees to keep him covered, he zigzagged irregularly, readying the heart for implantation.

_'An earth heart? Not what I wanted, but still better than being down one. Just need to take out the old heart.'_

Avoiding more arrows from the left, he ran up a nearby hill devoid of trees. He dodged more arrows, deflected one going for his eye and jumped into the thick crevice splitting the hill in two. An arrow whizzed off the back of Kakuzu's head as he fell, heralding the arrival of a dozen more that careened off into the wilderness.

He slapped his hand onto the crevice wall to cease his fall, body jerking to a stop as he breathing a little heavily. Kakuzu awaited for his hand to steady, for so delicate the act of implanting a heart the slightest wrong movement would render it unusable. Taking a final, steadying breath he extracted the arrow, took off the mask, scooped out the skewered old heart, and started a long chain of hand-signs.

Halfway through the organ suddenly turned to blood in his hand. Kakuzu watched it seep through his fingers, surprised, as he realized what he and Naruto actually killed.

"Blood clones." he murmured, "Fucking blood clones."

A roaring laugh came from above and Kakuzu jerked his head up to see Kure. His smiling face met a kunai, Kakuzu's last, sending him tumbling far down into the crevice.

Another Kure appeared, nonchalantly scratching his nose, "Oh please, Kakuzu." dozens more peeked over the crevice cliffs, all with readied bows, "Like I said before, I'm far too dangerous to die."

_'Fuck.'_

Kure laughed again, "Don't worry, you'll see little Naruto once we're done with him." he gestured, and the clones loosed a deadly volley of arrows.

0o0o0o0o0o

"Mmmmhhhhnnnn."

Someone chuckled, "Well, well, looks like I don't need to wake you up after all."

Naruto felt himself in an alien place. Nothing felt familiar, but everything felt... wrong. The sterile gray walls, the silent atmosphere, his nudity, and the familiar man standing over him, playing with an assortment of tools.

He finally opened his eyes, finding Hideki's pleasant face smiling down on him. Naruto made to move, but quickly found binds securing him in place, stopping him from moving so much as an inch.

"What's going on?" he demanded, everything throwing him for a loop.

Hideki smiled wider, "It's simple, my young friend. This material," he pointed to Naruto's right arm, dozens of binds keeping it in place, "interests me a great deal. A few books I've been reading told me of its power, and what a wielder of it will be capable of. I have associates that would be very pleased to gain such a valuable resource."

"I remember where I got this stuff, if you'd like to know." Naruto politely revealed, mind racing.

Hideki kept smiling, "Do you? That would be great information, care to tell me?"

The boy described where he got it, the county, and the cave. What Hideki didn't know, this information pointed him thousands of miles in the wrong direction. The doctor wrote it all down.

"Thank you for telling me, little Naruto, it'll make things much easier." he fixed a surgical mask to his face, hands hovering over his tools, "However, you have forced me to change my plans and that annoys me greatly. I will learn more about this substance, verify or debunk what my books claim, and otherwise preform delicate operations on you."

Hideki's eyes narrowed, "There will be no anesthetic. You will experience every incision as I cut you open over the coming hours. Perhaps you'll pass out, at which I'll stop, awaken you, and proceed with my research. Fear not about loosing too much blood, I have a vast quantity of your blood type ready to be applied."

He chuckled, "Who knows? Maybe you'll last so long your heart will give out? Don't worry about that either, I'm more than capable of reviving you time after time until you start begging for death. Any questions?"

Naruto said nothing for a long moment, then, "You're an asshole."

Hideki smiled under his mask, shaking his head fondly, "My uneducated boy, that is not a question. Furthermore, my entire person is not an orifice in which one excretes fecal matter. While I do have such an orifice, it is no larger than any other person's. Do you have an actual query?"

The boy grimaced, "Have I mentioned that you talk funny and I can hardly understand you?"

Sighing and shaking his head, Hideki plucked up something from his plate, "If you weren't so uneducated, my boy, you would have little difficulty understanding my vernacular. Now, I'm going to start with something easy."

He took a hammer and chisel and placed it on Naruto's right pinky, "The book claims that very few substances are capable of damaging the Void Crystal. This is supported by your fight with Kure, in which his knives shattered upon impact. I theorize that this may be true, and will test this by applying this diamond chisel to your finger."

Hideki tapped it a few times, taking mental notes, then tapped it even harder. This continued, the doctor applying more and more force to the crystal with the same results- nothing but the sound of crystal hitting diamond. Finally, he stopped with a grunt of satisfaction.

"Substance is more than capable of withstanding heavy pressure applied by diamond chisel." announced Hideki, putting his tools away, "Specifics of pressure will be in notes. There is no sign of damage on either the diamond or the substance, but the chisel handle has dented and the hammer head is now loose. Moving onto next experiment."

Metal hit metal as he chose his next instruments.

"Eh, doc?" asked Naruto, subtly testing his binds again.

"Yes."

"Why do you have to do all this when the books give you all the information?"

"Because these books are ancient and centered more on the occult and shamanistic religions. The authenticity of all information is suspect, and must be tested and verified." Hideki's eyes snapped to Naruto, who stopped struggling, "And you might as well not bother, those binds are made of the highest grade chakra steel available and molded to your shape. There is no way for you to move. Even if that crystal is the hardest on earth, without a way to gain momentum you'll never be able to break it."

Naruto grumbled, "I hate science."

"Then you are definitely an idiot." Hideki dryly stated, "Moving on... All sources of information agree that if the tissue nearest the crystal site is damaged or removed, the crystal will shift to cover the new wounds. If I am to preform an investigative operation, I will need to verify this and, if true, work around it. Testing now."

Naruto watched as Hideki came closer, holding a thin metal tool in the air. It curved finely to a rounded point, gleaming as the doctor advanced.

He watched the scalpel descend to his chest, resting just to the side of the crystal. Naruto snorted, "That isn't scaring me. I've been hurt so many times I can handle this easy."

Hideki laughed, "Then its fortunate that I injected you with something that intensifies any sensation."

Then the cutting started, and Naruto screamed.

**Please review and tell me what you think. I can't improve my writing style without any feedback, even a single sentence would be appreciated. **


	7. Scratching the Surface

**Chapter Seven, Scratching the Surface**

"Yeah know, if I'm going to keep popping in here every few minutes why can't we talk?" mused Naruto, watching several red tails wave to and fro.

Kyuubi wordlessly examined a claw, tuning out the boy's every word.

"I mean, since you're stuck inside me with no hope of escaping, what's the point in being such an asshole? Can't you help me out somehow? Like now? Teach me something to make me even more kickass? So I can bust out of Doctor Asshole's clinic, and so we don't die, Nataki?"

Three tails twitched, but Naruto's 'pet' didn't otherwise respond.

Naruto grunted, kicking at his soggy mind-scape ground. Water dripped somewhere in the darkness splashing loudly into the sewer. Lights flickered on and on, casting intermittent shadows along the milky water.

"Hey, Nataki?"

Kyuubi ignored him.

Naruto frowned, slipping through the bars, "Nataki, are you feeling down? Do you need a hug?"

Sighing and closing its eyes, Kyuubi felt the insect grab its foot and rub his face in.

"It's okay Nataki, I'm here for you." the boy murmured into its fur, "Why don't you tell me what's wrong? I can help you."

"You really want to know what's wrong?" Kyuubi whispered lightly, shaking the room, "Do you really?" it asked again, making Naruto nod into its fur.

"I have a flea, an annoying little flea, clutching onto my side like the insect it is, messing up my fur, making pathetic little noises, and calling me a stupid human name!" Kyuubi shouted, "Why don't you make it let go?"

Naruto nodded, used to his pets frequent mood swings, "Okay, I'll do that. How do you get bugs on you when you're never outside?"

The giant fox sighed again, "Remembering to breathe must be very difficult for you."

"Nuh, uh! I don't need to remember, because I never forget!"

Biting off a curse of frustration, Kyuubi thought, _'Once again the idiot monkey fails to understand my witty insults. Every time that doctor makes it pass out, I have to endure its annoying chatter until it wakes up again. The only way for it to shut up would be...'_

Kyuubi opened its eyes as Naruto finally let go, "Boy."

"-and then I- huh?" he turned his head to the giant fox, blinking, "What?"

"What does the parasite look like now?"

"Para-what now?"

Biting off a scathing remark, Kyuubi muttered, "The crystal attached to your body, can you describe to me what color it is now?"

"Uh." Naruto looked at his bared chest, "Purple, but it looks a little darker than it was. I can't see my lung anymore."

Kyuubi nodded, lip curling into a malicious grin, "Good. We're a little short on time now, so I'll have to be brief. When you wake up I want you to imagine your arm and leg getting thin enough to slip out of the binds. Once you do that, think of your fingers and imagine them sharpened like my claws."

The fox laid a gargantuan paw next to Naruto, showing off claws the size of large men, "A little smaller of course, but if you do that you'll be set for freedom."

Frowning, Naruto looked at his hand and to the claws, "Why? What's going to happen?"

Laughing, the Kyuubi turned a single crimson eye onto the boy as everything faded away, "You're going to scratch the surface of the parasite's potential."

Naruto blearily opened his eyes, grunting as everything throbbed and screamed. A hand glowing green hovered over his head, before running down his chest and closing the incisions dotted all along. Muscle knit back together as skin seamlessly healed, leaving no sign of his agonizing surgery.

"Heart palpitations steadying," Hideki quietly noted, "blood pressure below normal- need to transfuse more blood-, and breath rate is slowing. Findings are interesting, while the crystal covering nearby injuries is of little surprise, the books appear wrong when it comes to the rate of crystalysis. Surrounding regions of the skeleton are showing the first signs as detailed in book three, and the thoracic section of the spine shows minor changes in structure. If book was correct- subject is far too young to show either even if he formed a symbiosis the day he was born."

Naruto grunted again, eliciting a grin from the doctor, "Back with us, are you? Gave me quite the scare, I thought we were going to lose you. As it is, we still have far more research to carry out for you to kick it just yet."

The boy took a deep, steadying breath,"When I get out of this," he said quietly, devoid of mirth, "I'm going to teach you why you don't lie about a contract to us."

Chuckling, Hideki turned back to his instruments, "You're such a humorous boy. I told you, there's no way you can break those chakra steel cuffs. They're perfectly molded to your shape, you can't get any leverage to break them. Why don't you just accept that you're not going anywhere?"

Naruto carefully watched his back, then craned his neck to look at his crystal arm and leg. He squinted, imagining them shrinking enough to slip out of the cuffs. For several long moments nothing happened, then something tinkled- like crystal hitting crystal. He looked very closely at his wrist, suppressing a smirk when he found he could move it freely.

Casting another look at Hideki, Naruto carefully slipped his limbs out of the cuffs, twisting his wrist and ankle to avoid clashing against the metal. Once free, he turned his attention to his normal limbs, feeling the metal.

_'Too hard to break in one hit, need five each at most to break free- while avoiding breaking my own bones. The asshole would hear and be on me before then, so I need to find a way to do it without him getting in the way. Maybe...'_

"Preparing blood transfusion," announced Hideki, Naruto putting his arm and leg back into the cuffs, "you better get ready, boy."

The doctor hummed a tune as he brought his equipment over to his patient. Pulling a tall stand closer, he fit in a blood filled bag and expertly inserted the dangling plastic tube into an arm vein. Still humming, he took two fingers and found the pulse in Naruto's regular arm. He mumbled something and his fingers glowed briefly.

"Blood pressure swiftly returning to normal. Next test will be-"

Naruto watched him, then looked back to his crystal arm.

"-if done properly, we will learn-"

_'If I can make my arm shrink,' _he wondered, _'can't I make it grow?'_

The boy focused carefully, thinking of the Kyuubi's claw like instructed. He imagined it replacing his hand, a giant purple claw ready to rip and tear. Naruto saw his arm grow, the sound of tinkling crystal echoing once more.

"-and- what is that noise?" Hideki paused, eyes darting to the sound.

The cuff shattered.

Naruto lashed out, hand the size of a man's chest- fingers as large as his arm and tipped to gleaming points. The boy took a moment to take in the sensation of blood on his bare skin, watching Hideki's severed arm slowly fall to the ground- then turned to his other binds. He easily slipped his crystal leg out of its cuff, curling his jagged fingers into a fist and bashing it against the others.

Hideki hissed out of his line of sight, "I need reinforcements! Everyone get in here and subdue the subject!"

Cursing, Naruto struck the cuff around his leg harder and faster. It cracked, shattering at the next hit just as the door shot open.

"Subdue him immediately!" shouted Hideki, "I want that little shit to suffer!"

Naruto cursed under his breath again, smacking at his last cuff and shooting a look to the door to find an odd sight. He had thought the asshole would have had a guard or two, probably low class thugs bought for their silence and loyalty.

He never imagined no less than a baker's dozen ninja, each wielding a different weapon, shooting into the room and charging him. As they approached he kept attacking the cuffs, all the while examining their high quality weapons and watching how they moved. Professional, trained, deadly.

Then they attacked.

The leading ninja held a long bo-staff, twirling and thrusting it out at his face. Naruto twisted away, headbutting the ninja in the stomach, then broke the restraining cuff with one last hit. By then the ninja recovered, deftly swinging his weapon and catching him in the leg.

Naruto buckled at the hit and counterattacked, the tip of his longest finger leaving a bloody trail in the ninja's dark cloak as his foe twirled away. As if by some unseen signal, the thirteen men surrounded the boy and kept their distance, aiming their weapons in preparation for a fight.

Watching them all, especially those out of his line of sight, Naruto plucked the plastic tube from his arm. His attention snapped to the metal operating table and back to the ninja, then he took a stance favoring his crystalline limbs.

"Someone get my arm! Now!" ordered Hideki.

The ninja holding the staff flicked it out and sent the arm flying, the man opposite catching it. He retreated, keeping an eye on Naruto as the men next to him closed the gap he left. Wordlessly he handed the severed limb back to its owner.

Hideki grunted as he expertly reattached his arm, "Naruto, make it easier on yourself and give up. You have nowhere to go but back to the table. I promise, if you're a good little boy from now on I'll kill you quickly once I'm through with you. If not, I'm going to take my time."

"Big talk from a man about to die." Naruto shot back quietly, eyes darting around as he watched the ninjas. He moved toward the operating table, and the whole circle moved with him- all keeping the same distance.

The doctor scoffed as the ninja retook his spot in the circle, "Look at your situation, boy. I'm not the one surrounded and outnumbered."

Smirking, Naruto jumped onto the table, "You're right, you poor bastards have me surrounded."

Hideki sighed and rolled his eyes, "Take him down as roughly as you will without killing him, gentlemen. I want him alive."

The one with the bo staff- Bo, we'll call him- nodded, all ninja taking combat stances.

The first attack didn't come from Bo, but someone to Naruto's side. The ninja flicked his wrist, sending three senbon throwing needles for his pressure points. The boy twirled and swatted them away with his enlarged hand, deciding to kill him soon.

Naruto spun around, taking a sword aimed at his left side in his right. Crystal sang and blade vibrated as Naruto reached out, grabbing the ninja by the throat. Before he could escape Naruto squeezed popping off his head in a shower of gore.

_'One.'_

Fingertips gleamed as he swung through the air, cutting an incoming net to pieces as two ninja rushed him. The first swung a hammer the size of a man, the second a long chain with weighted balls on the ends. While Hammer swung at Naruto with all his strength, Chain twirled his weights around, aiming for normal limbs.

Ducking the first metal ball sent his way, Naruto jumped over the hammer and swatted away a few more senbon. As Hammer recovered for another swing Chain sent his other ball towards Naruto. Swatting even more senbon away, the boy grabbed the chain with his right and pulled off the weighted ball. Almost casually, he spun around and tossed it, hitting the senbon throwing annoyance in the face and making his head explode.

_'Two.'_

By then Hammer recovered, pulling both arms back and hefting his namesake over his head.

"Don't damage the table!" yelled Hideki.

Hammer ignored him and brought it down on Naruto, who easily step-sided it and snaked his claws out. Hammer lost his head, literally, it rolling off his back and across the floor as his lifeless body slumped away.

_'Three.'_

Without pause, Naruto grabbed Hammer's weapon, twirled around, and threw it at a ninja aiming a very nasty looking crossbow. Unfortunately it didn't kill him outright, only shattering his weapon when he used it to block the incoming hammer. The ninja cursed, rubbing his hands to get the feeling back before drawing a short sword and jumping into the fray.

Grunting as he ducked Chain's other ball, Naruto pinned his sword under his foot and kicked him in the face. By then he decided to take the fight to Chain, slipping off the table and stabbing his arm into it. Metal groaned as he tore the table top off in an instant, adjusting his hold on the cover. The other eight ninja finally moved in, having watched from a distance up until then.

Too late, as Naruto rushed Chain and crushed him between steel and wall, blood squirting out as bones crunched- a scream cut short. The boy spun around, throwing the metal slab towards the incoming ninja. Two jumped over, one holding a naginata, the other a pair of nun-chucks. As the the ninja approached, Naruto jumped onto the wall and kicked off, catapulting himself straight at the two.

Both attacked as Naruto came at them but it did little good. He swung his clawed hand, cutting through their weapons and rending their bodies apart. Mangled entrails and and blood splattered everywhere along the white walls.

_'Seven.'_

Naruto spun through the air, landing feet first upon the blood soaked walls and kicking off again. He landed in a crouch a dozen feet away from the now nervous ninja, then slowly stood up. He smirked again and cracked his neck, flexing his elongated fingers.

"Ready to give up?"

Bo stared at him for a long moment, then, "Sir, we need your assistance."

Hideki shook his head, flexing his reattached arm, "You swore to defend me to your death. You will fulfill your duty or I will kill you myself."

"I understand that sir," Bo answered, "but your assistance could sway things in our favor. You need not put yourself in danger, only cast genjutsu on him, sir."

"I have already tried and failed." the doctor answered, "Carry out your duties."

Naruto chuckled viciously, "You heard your master, pet, come and die."

_'Drastic change in temperament,'_ Hideki noted as his men cautiously attacked, _'is this because of the pain I inflicted on him, or something else?'_

Five of the six remaining ninja all held weapons, a bo staff, great ax, spear, shortsword, a whip. The final ninja held his hands at the ready, either to make seals or engage in taijutsu.

They moved as one to distract the boy, but Whip struck first, wrapping it around Naruto's normal leg and pulling him off his feet. Spear moved in next, keeping his distance and stabbing at the boy's chest- aiming to pierce a major organ. The remaining four paired off and moved in on his flanks, ready to take advantage of any opening.

Naruto for his part, had to keep an eye on the two pairs of ninja while trying to stand back up. Not only that but Spear kept the pressure on, forcing him to deflect the weapon and hope his dangly bits wouldn't get skewered.

This of course presented a perfect opportunity for Ax. He rushed forward while Spear kept the boy busy, brought up his ax, and chopped down. Metal sang and bits of rock flew through the air as Naruto barely rolled out of the way, the ax missing by inches. He shot to his feet in time to cut the whip apart, Sword and Bo moving in.

Sword attacked as Naruto shifted his stance, slapping the steel away and following up with a savage punch to the stomach. Ribs cracked and shattered on impact, the ninja falling as Naruto ducked from Bo's swinging staff. Not fearing injury from such a light weapon the boy advanced, making Bo jump away and smack him across the face.

Naruto's head snapped back, nose running crimson as Bo landed blow after blow on his stunned frame. Every whirl of displaced air led to another slap of wood on flesh, Bo eventually dancing around to knock him off his feet. Not satisfied, he followed up with a quick slap to the boy's danglers that had him clutching himself.

The staff wielding hurricane backed off, expecting to recapture him easily. With a wordless gesture, he ordered his remaining men to subdue him.

He didn't expect Naruto to shoot out, cut off his legs in one swoop, then return the favor using a giant crystal fist. Bo predictably didn't get up after that.

_'Two incapacitated.'_

Eager to end the fight, Ax, Whipless, Fist, and Spear all moved in at once. Fist made seals and sent a dozen fireballs towards Naruto. Spear and Ax stayed close together, the heavier man swinging his weapon while the other covered him during recovery. Whipless came in from the side, searching for an opening.

Naruto dodged between several fireballs, blocking the last one and deflecting the spear with a flick of the arm. He contorted, bending over as the ax soared within hairs of his body, then moved in. Deflecting the spear again he grabbed it with his other arm, moved within Spear's guard, then attacked.

Crystal fingers cut ribbons through flesh, severing bone, organs and ligature with ridiculous ease. Spear buckled, then collapsed as Naruto turned to end another ninja.

_'Eight.'_

He hopped over Ax's sweeping slash at his legs, jumping away for now. Without his weapon, Whipless didn't prove much of a challenge. He managed to dodge a couple of attacks, but that ended when Naruto grabbed the nearby tabletop and turned him into a human pancake.

_'Nine.'_

He turned around, smirking and chuckling as he regarded the last two ninja. Fist and Ax both took a cautious step back, shooting each other fearful looks as they regarded the blood soaked boy.

_'Let's have some fun.'_

"And now there's only two of you left standing." Naruto observed, eyes flicking over the carnage, "I've killed your friends in so many ways, I wonder how I'll top it with you. Any suggestions?"

They watched him closely, never answering. Naruto took a step forward. They ran out of the room, eliciting a scoff from the boy and a clapping set of hands.

"Bravo, boy! That was most entertaining." Naruto slowly turned to regard Hideki, "The best show I've seen in years, and it taught me a valuable lesson."

The doctor pulled off his glasses and polished them with soft fabric, "Next time I hire some guards, I should get the best- rather than what I can afford on my associate's budget. I'd put the lot of them at chunin skill- yet you killed nine, crippled two, and sent the remaining running. You truly are a skilled child."

Without taking his eyes off him Naruto slowly stepped forward, stomping on Bo's head as he went, "It'll be eleven once I'm done with you." he taunted.

Hideki put his glasses back on, chuckling, "Would you forgive me if I said that I'm starting to like you?"

Saying nothing, Naruto cracked his neck and stretched his weak arm.

A sigh, "I suppose that's a no. Shame, my associates would have loved to take you into the fold. I guess I-"

Naruto attacked, swinging his razor-like fingers. Hideki flowed under, waving a glowing blue hand across his chest. Blood seeped from several deep wounds as the doctor kicked away, landing on the red stained walls.

Coughing, Naruto carefully pressed a weak hand against his flesh, blood oozing through his fingers. He didn't take his eyes his enemy, reviewing that split second.

Hideki smirked, arrogantly waved a glowing hand, then rushed him.

Ever since he learned Naruto couldn't use chakra Kakuzu focused on honing his body into a deadly weapon. He taught him how to put all his strength into his swing, how to end a fight in one hit. Naruto learned how to use his crystal arm as mace and shield, blocking any attack and countering. Never give an inch, take all the ground possible, dominate the field.

At the same time Kakuzu knew one day Naruto would fight someone who made his strength useless. Of what use is immense strength if you can't hit your target? So he pushed him even further, making him faster, more agile, and taught him a fighting style fit for any situation.

When Hideki swung next he found only air. When Naruto answered with bladed fingers he found only air. They danced around each other, every attack avoided or only glancing past. Until finally the boy kicked, Hideki twirled away, and tossed several pellets. Thick, white smoke obscured the whole room, putting Naruto on the defensive.

He cast out his senses, searching for any hint to Hideki's location. The last crippled ninja's gurgles of pain drowned out any silence, the perfect cover for a skilled ninja. Naruto waited, ready to counter any surprise attack.

_'How long does this smoke last?'_

A light displacement of air, instinct taking hold, the snap of bone as Naruto tore Hideki's arm from his shoulder.

The doctor yelled, jumping away and throwing more smoke bombs as Naruto pressed the attack and crushed the severed arm in hand. He broke through the smoke, finding the door ajar and frantic retreating footsteps to chase. Naruto rushed into the hall and caught the swish of a pant leg running around the corner.

_'Do you think I'm going to let you get away?'_

Without pause he gave chase, wary of any ambushes. He never caught full sight of his target as he ran, only catching fleeting glimpses and clues to point him in his direction. The swish of clothes, a sudden thump, open doors leading to other halls or through labs. He wondered why Hideki didn't cover his tracks better. Naruto caught only peripheral glimpses of the projects in the labs, so focused on catching Hideki, but what he saw would stay with him for years.

Finally, he went through one last door and found himself in a circular, sterile white room.

"Seal doorway." the passage slammed shut, "Release experiment one."

Hideki's voice echoed all throughout the room, clacking gears mashing together as parts of the wall pulled back to reveal dogs shaved to the skin. Veins popped out in sharp relief to the rest of their bodies, heavy wires jutting into and out of their skins. Their eyes, glazed over and white, looked around blankly and uncomprehendingly.

Naruto's eyes darted around, counting up to seven of them, then looked at the dozens of mirrors put in intervals around the large room.

_'One of them must be a one way mirror. He's watching, but which?'_

"Activate environmental stimuli one-five."

Parts of the wall further up retracted, revealing air vents. A mist poured out, smell-less and taste-less, that quickly wafted around the room. Each dog quivered as it passed, eyes latching onto him as growls rose in their throats, paws flexing.

Naruto covered his nose and mouth with his weak arm, just in case it was toxic, running up to the nearest mirror and smashing it with a fist. Glass fell inward, revealing a small, empty room with a running camera. Without waiting for the dogs to make their move he jumped in, mind already working on a plan to find his target.

"Activate environmental stimuli three-eight."

Motors whirled in the room over as the dogs scampered around, nails dragging against the floor as they yelped and growled. He heard an electrical discharge, then a horrifying roar ebbing out into a pitiful yelping. Naruto flexed his muscles, put all his weight into his next attack, and bashed the nearest wall down in one go.

Another small empty room, another running camera.

"Doctor's note: subject one five's implants failed to adequately introduce outside current into the nervous and motor system. Subject has been rendered incapable of any use of muscle, voluntary and involuntary. Estimated time until death, five and a half minutes. Will update. Until then, will watch subjects as they work to find Naruto. Chemical cloud released into environment has passed along the order as hypothesized. It seems I'll have to make do with a corpse rather than a test subject."

"And as for you, Naruto, I hope you give them an excellent hunt. This is the first time I've introduced them to a live target, and I expect them to perform very well."

**And that is why you don't lie about contracts to a Naruto mentored by Kakuzu. As you can likely tell by now, his fighting style isn't going to be anything subtle. As for the abrupt change in tone, all will be explained in due time. It's not like you can write a story about a prodigious child killing machine without delving into some dark territory.**

**Originally I was going to finish this whole escapade, but I felt I went long enough without an update. Next chapter we shall try to finish Naruto's escape, and maybe switch to Kakuzu. Please tell me what you thought of the fight scene, about how I could improve. After all I have to write another fight for next chapter. Not only that, but tell me what made you laugh, what made you cry, and what made you cringe in sympathy.**

**For example: The crotch shots made me laugh, cry, and cringe in sympathy all at the same time!**


End file.
